


Shameless

by HeartnArrow



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5 Seconds of Summer - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Australia, Bad Boy Luke, Bands, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Cute, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Freeform, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, High School, Hockey, Innocent Ashton, Inspired by Music, Lashton - Freeform, Love, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Nerd Ashton, Nerd Michael, POV Third Person Omniscient, Popular Calum, Popular Luke, Realistic, Sexual Humor, Smut, Some Humor, Song Lyrics, ashton wears glasses, awkward ashton, ice hockey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-03-30 04:16:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 39,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3922549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartnArrow/pseuds/HeartnArrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke is captain of the hockey team, one of the most popular guys in school along with calum hood, came out as gay last year. ashton is a nerd who gets straight a’s and has yet to have his first kiss at the age of 17. michael is his best friend who isn't really a nerd but has known ashton since preschool. ashton has always watched luke from afar, admiring him at the hockey games and in the hallways. he’s had a crush on him since freshman year but luke doesn't even know his name.<br/>or<br/>Luke was looking for a fuck buddy while Ashton was looking for love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the new stories I've been working on. I won't officially start posting it until end of May. Let me know how u like it. also i had a hard time picking the title so these are the choices:  
> close the distance  
> hear me out (go radio)  
> something’s gotta give (all time low)  
> in our final hour  
> porcelain (marianas trench)  
> shameless (go radio)  
> i’d be shameless (go radio)  
> 12 through 15 (mayday parade)  
> All of My Heart (sleeping with sirens)  
> A Lesson in Romantics (mayday parade)
> 
> almost all of the titles are from song lyrics so if u want to listen to the songs i put the artist in () for you.

“Love is a joint experience between two persons -- but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved.”

\- Carson McCullers - Ballad of the Sad Cafe and Other Stories


	2. They Left Us Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think of this story so far

_“They left us alone,_

_The Kids In The Dark,_

_To burn out forever,_

_Or light up a spark,_

_We come together,”_

_\- All Time Low (Kids in the Dark)_

Ashton cheered loudly as the hockey team made another goal. 

“Ashton, would you be quiet, I’m trying to listen to Nirvana here,” Michael complained. Ashton had always gone to the hockey games since freshman year even though he didn’t know a single thing about the game itself. He just came to see a certain blue eyed boy at his happiest state. He had dragged Michael to every single one, even though Michael couldn’t stand sports. He put up with it for Ashton, they’d been best friends since pre school. They were practically brothers, their parents were never surprised when the other randomly stayed the night or entered their house without knocking. 

“Did you not just see that, Michael? LH just hit the ball right into the goal!” he exclaimed excitedly. 

“That’s a puke, not a ball, Ash,” Michael chuckled at his friend. 

“Same thing,” he stated rolling his eyes. Ashton’s eyes went back to the ice, landing on jersey number 14 with the last name Hemmings scribbled across the back. His eyes followed the boy around the ring, admiring how happy the game made him. He had first laid eyes on Luke on his first day of high school, freshman year. Ashton had a crush on the boy, he had since freshman year. But he hadn’t said more than two words to the boy. They ran with different crowds, Ashton being with the outcasts and Luke with the popular group. It was the beginning of their senior year now and Ashton still went to all of Luke’s hockey games just to see the boy smile. 

Sweat dripped off of Luke’s forehead as he skated into the locker room. He immediately stripped off his helmet and jersey. 

“Good game tonight, Hemmings,” one of his teammates congratulated. Calum came in the room, patting Luke on the back. 

“How are we going to celebrate the win?” he asked his best friend. 

“Didn’t that one girl invite us to her party tonight?” 

“You mean Naomi,” Calum said rolling his eyes at Luke’s forgetfulness. But he couldn’t help it, just about every girl in the school wanted to be with him even though he had come out as gay in his sophomore year. It didn’t stop the girls from inviting him to parties and grinding on him. 

“Yeah, I’ll meet you out here once I finish washing up and we can head to her party,” Luke said as he grabbed his change of clothes from his locker. With that he went over to the showers. The team and his classmates were pretty accepting when he came out. There were still those idiots who called him a fag in the hallway and shoved him into lockers but it was better than he expected. He finished showering and threw his fresh pair of clothes on, black skinny jeans and a red flannel. He met up with Calum and they headed to the party. 

“Why don’t we ever go to any parties?” Michael asked as they headed to Ashton’s Jeep. 

“Because we never get invited to them,” he told him as he opened the door to his car. 

“Why’s that?” Michael took a seat in the passenger side, turning on the radio which was playing All Time Low. 

“We don’t exactly run in the same crowd as the people who throw parties,” Ashton pushed his glasses up his nose to prevent them from falling. He put the car into reverse, backing out. 

“And why don’t-,” Ashton cut him off. 

“You ask more questions than a five year old,” he said with a grin. Something’s Gotta Give was playing on the radio in the background. 

“It’s our senior year, Ash. And we haven’t been to one high school party, had any girlfriends or boyfriends or done drugs or alcohol.” Ashton sent a glance over to his green haired friend. Michael dyed his hair a different color just about every month. Right now, it looked like the Kid Choice Awards had come early and dumped a whole bunch of slime on his head. 

“So?” he questioned shrugging his shoulders. 

“I don’t want to graduate high school without going to a real party or having my first kiss or doing illegal stuff or losing my virginity.” Ashton turned down Michael’s street which was two blocks away from his own. 

“I just want to graduate with no regrets,” he stated as they pulled into his driveway. 

“You will, Michael. You will.” With that, he left the car saying goodnight to his friend. Ashton looked up at the night sky, deep in thought. Michael was right, there were so many things he had wanted to experience that he might never get the chance to. But he liked it this way, he liked not having to worry of what people thought of him, not knowing what a hangover feels like or what 4/20 is, not knowing what it feels like to be kissed. It was simpler, easier. He could focus on his school work without distractions and the mere thought of drugs, sex, and alcohol disgusted him. He wasn’t a prude or anything, he just didn’t understand the lust for those things when all they lead to were health problems, drugs led to cancer, sex led to STDs, alcohol led to addiction. He didn’t see the point in poisoning his body for a few hours just to ‘let loose’. Sure he wouldn’t mind making out with someone and he sure as hell had dreams of making out with the blue eyed boy who was the star of the hockey team but the idea of sex made him cringe. He wasn’t religious, in fact he was an atheist. He just wasn’t into what most kids his age were into. 

Luke entered the large house that was filled with teenagers, doing drugs, making out and getting drunk. Him and Calum made their way over to the drinks, each pouring themselves some beer. He then made his way over to the dance floor grinding down on boys and pushing girls away from himself to the lyrics of some shitty pop song Luke hated. He hated the music the popular crowd listened to, Calum was his only friend who shared his love for alternative and pop punk. He couldn’t stand the teeny bopper songs that all sounded the same and lyrics were meaningless. A boy with brown shaggy hair danced close to him, their bodies less than inches apart. Luke didn’t know his name but he was okay with that, he captured the boy’s lips in a kiss, their tongues entering each other’s mouths, their hands searching each other’s body. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Luke whispered to the boy. He nodded a bit too eagerly and they headed to a bedroom. 

Meanwhile, Ashton sat at home studying for a test that was a week away. He had Spotify set up to a pop punk station while going through notecards for his history test. He was a straight A student and took mostly all APs in hopes of getting into his dream college Harvard, even though it was half the way across the globe. Australia didn’t exactly have the best colleges, America however had some of the best colleges in the world. 

“Ashton, it’s time for bed,” his mother called as she entered his room. His parents were very strict about his grades and maybe that was why he was constantly studying and held his expectations for himself so high. He had come out as gay to his parents just over the summer, they weren’t exactly thrilled with the idea but they still loved him and were working towards being able to accept him. It was only ten o’clock but he had a set time he went to bed each night. He put his note cards back in his binder and went to bed. 

Luke chugged down the last of his beer before taking a drag from the weed that was being passed around the circle. He loved the way drugs and alcohol made him feel, like he didn’t have a care in the world. He loved being able to forget all his problems for a few hours. He sat in a circle of guys and girls in his grade, they were playing ‘never have i ever’, only with drugs instead of alcohol. 

“Never have I ever had sex,” just about everyone, including Luke took a drag from the weed being passed around. 

“Never have I ever given someone a lap dance,” Luke took another drag. 

“Never have I ever done ecstasy.” Another drag. 

“Never have I ever gotten or received a blow job.” Another drag. 

“Never have I ever had sex with someone over the age of 18.” Another drag. It went on like that for quite sometime, Luke nearly having to take a drag every single round since there was little he hadn’t done. He left the party with Calum at around midnight by then Ashton was fast asleep.


	3. When I'm Without

_“The way I feel when I’m in doubt_

_Is the way I feel when I'm without_

_The way you kiss when we’re alone_

_The way you won’t pick up your phone”_

_\- Quietdrive (Just My Heart)_

Ashton walked into the high school with Michael by his side. They went over to their lockers, grabbing their books. 

“Can I come over to your house after school?” Ashton asked Michael, knowing he would be coming home to a empty house. Most teenagers would jump at the opportunity to be home alone but Ashton hated it, he couldn’t stand the quiet and lonely atmosphere. 

“Yeah but you have to play FIFA with me.” The boy groaned, he couldn’t stand the video game. 

“But I hate FIFA,” he complained. Luke entered his sight, a smile suddenly clouding his lips. 

“Why don’t you ever just go talk to the guy? Introduce yourself or something,” Michael suggested. He looked at him like the idea was outrageous. 

“Are you crazy? He would probably spit in my face if I went up to him.” 

“He would not, just go up to him,” Michael insisted, shoving Ashton towards the blonde haired boy. Being the clumsy person Ashton is, he stumbled right in front of Luke, nearly knocking him over. Their eyes met and Ashton could feel his heart speed up in his chest. He had never seen his eyes up close. They were like two beautiful pearls, the color of the ocean. He didn’t think it was possible to have such pretty eyes. They drew you in like an anchor, captivating him. 

“Watch where you’re going next time, kid,” a boy with black hair who looked to be Asian but wasn’t muttered. 

“S-sorry, I just wanted to say what a great job you did last night at the game,” he stuttered out, looking down at his feet. 

“And who exactly are you?” Luke asked looking the smaller boy up and down. He was quite shorter than Luke, his hair was a dirty blonde and curly. He wore a bandana around his head and a Marianas Trench shirt with black skinny jeans. Luke bit down on his lip, checking the boy out. He had seen him around before but never up close. He had never noticed how hot and innocent he looked standing there in his glasses. 

“I-I’m Ashton Irwin,” the curly haired boy introduced himself. Luke bit down on his lip ring suddenly noticing how pump and pink his lips were. He wondered what it would be like to kiss them. 

“Luke Hemmings, but I’m sure you already knew that,” Luke said with a smirk. Ashton just stared at him, wide eyed and red in the face. 

“So, you were at the game last night?” Ashton nodded a little too quickly. 

“Yeah, I always go to your games. No, I mean I only go to your games sometimes, just when like I have nothing else to do and I like to support the school. I don’t go to like specify watch you or anything,” he rambled on and on making a complete fool of himself. Luke found it rather cute. 

“We should hangout some time after one of my games.” 

“Y-yeah, that’d be nice, I mean cool, that’d be cool.” Luke chuckled at the blathering boy. 

“See you around, Ash.” He swooned at the nickname, his face blushing red as the boy walked away with his posse. 

“Did you just see that?” Ashton nearly squealed to Michael. 

“Yes I did, now let’s get to class before we end up late,” Michael chuckled dragging his friend along to their classes. 

“What did you think of that Ashton kid?” Luke asked Calum trying to sound casual about it. The two boys were tying on their skates, getting ready for hockey practice. 

“He’s a total nerd, not to mention kinda creepy,” Calum said without a second’s hesitation. 

“A hot nerd though,” Luke muttered making his friend scoff. 

“Yeah, good luck getting some from that kid. He’s probably still a virgin not to mention straight.” 

“I’m pretty sure he’s gay.” 

“What makes you so certain?” 

“My gaydar is almost 100% accurate. Remember when I told you Scott was gay in middle school and you didn’t believe me then he came out in freshman year?” 

“Yeah, I remember.” With that the two headed out to the skating ring. 

~~~~ 

“I can’t believe Luke talked to me, did you see the way he was looking at me? He was totally checking me out. He’s so much hotter up close like I didn’t think he could get any hotter but damn,” Ashton went on and on gushing and blushing. 

“Ash, you legit sound like a teenage girl on her period,” Michael muttered, a little annoyed after having Ashton talk his ear off for the past hour on how good Luke looked. 

“He said he wanted to hang out with me! Do you not get?” 

“You sound like one of those white girls who drinks Starbucks everyday.” Ashton rolled his eyes as he put down the video game controller. Michael had beat him five times in a row now in FIFA. He got up going over to the cupboard where the snacks were kept. 

“Grab me some dorits.” 

“Mike, you know it’s pronounced Doritos right?” 

“No one asked for your sass, Ash.” He grabbed the bag of cool ranch Doritos for Michael and goldfish for himself. He then poured them both into small bowls and headed back over to the couch where Michael was changing up his characters to the FIFA game, trying to make them look more ‘punk rock’. 

“Speaking of sass, did you see Luke’s ass?” Michael groaned loudly as he took his bowl of Doritos. 

“I so need to get a girlfriend and you need to get laid.” 

“Eww,” Ashton spat as he flicked his nose up in distaste. Michael sat up, he knew his friend wasn’t a fan of sex but was still surprised by it considering he was a hormonal teenage boy. 

“So you’re saying that you wouldn’t want to tap that?” 

“I mean yeah I wouldn’t mind but like I don’t know.” Ashton grabbed a Dorito from Michael causing him to pout. 

“There’s a senior party friday night, we should go,” Michael suggested. He was very persistent about going to some parties and actually experiencing what most high schoolers do. 

“I think we have to be invited in order to go,” he stated with a lack of interest. 

“No, the whole senior class is invited.” Ashton leaned his head back on the couch trying to come up with an excuse for him not to go. 

“I hate parties,” he said, not being able to come up with a better excuse. 

“How do you know? You’ve never been to one,” Michael snapped matter of factly. Ashton looked to his friend who was pouting, pulling out the puppy dog face. 

“Please Ash, we can just go for like an hour and then if you really want to leave we can,” he pleaded. 

“Fine, but only for an hour.” Michael jumped up in joy, hugging his best friend.


	4. Everything Seems More Clear

_“And do you think of me at night_

_I still wish we could've made it right_

_But we can't say that we never tried_

_I guess everything seems more clear_

_Here on the other side.”_

_\- Tonight Alive (The Other Side)_

Ashton stood in front of the enormous mansion. He could hear the music from outside. The air smelled of alcohol, sweat, and drugs. There were numerous cars in the driveway, some even in the street. 

“Come on, Ash,” Michael said as he turned back to see his friend still hadn’t moved from the car. Ashton hesitantly walked towards the house. There were other teens entering the house. Two girls stood in front of them, both wearing booty shorts and crop tops, one had straight blonde hair while the other had curly brown hair. Ashton could see Michael’s eyes wandering, checking the girls out. He elbowed his friend in the stomach just as they walked inside. The house was even larger on the inside. The ceilings were so high not even a giraffe could reach them. There was a room with velvet couches and shiny tables where teens were smoking pot and making out. There was spiral staircase which lead upstairs to some bedrooms. One could only guess what was going on up there. Ashton stuck up his nose at the smell of pot. He had never smelled something more strong or terrible. He had no absolute interest in going near it. Michael on the other hand had a very different perspective, he went straight over to the pot, grabbing some from a black haired boy in the center. Ashton rolled his eyes, wandering off into the kitchen where there was beer and couples making out on the countertops. He opened the fridge trying to find something that didn’t contain alcohol. 

“What are you looking for?” a voice said from behind him. He turned around to be faced with those sparkling blue eyes. 

“Coke,” he stated trying not to stare at the boy. His hair was spiked up in a quiff, he had on a Mayday Parade tank top that showed off his biceps and ripped black skinny jeans. 

“Well, they don’t keep cocaine in the fridge. I’m pretty sure that’s like a fire hazard,” Luke said chuckling. 

“I meant coke-a-cola,” he said blushing red. 

“Oh, well I doubt you’ll be able to find anything that doesn’t contain alcohol.” Ashton slumped against the counter, just wanting something to drink. He groaned causing Luke to giggle at him. Ashton smiled at the sound, thinking it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. 

“Tell you what, there’s a 7-11 down the street. I’ll walk there with you and buy you something to drink,” Luke offered. He smiled at the blonde nodding his head. They headed out of the house, walking on the sidewalk. 

“I take it you don’t come to these parties often do you?” he asked as they headed down the street. It was dark out but you could still see with the full moon shining up the streets. Wind blew making it a bit chilly but not too bad. 

“Yeah, this is actually my first high school party,” Ashton said quietly, embarrassed to admit how little he had experienced. 

“Really?” He shyly nodded. Luke turned his head, slowing down his walking so he could look the hazel eyed boy in the eye. 

“I went to my first party when I was 15 I think. I didn’t like it. Like at all. I hated the loud music and smell of drugs.” 

“What happened? Don’t you go to them like every week now.” 

“I guess I just got used to them and learned to enjoy them.” They were nearing the store, they were also walking closer to each other now, only inches apart so that their hands nearly touched. 

“What could there possibly to enjoy about parties?” Ashton said out loud without even thinking it through first. 

“Well, I could think of one thing,” he replied. 

“Which is?” Ashton wondered. 

“Meeting cute guys like you,” Luke coquetted with a smirk playing on his lips. Ashton stopped walking, just staring at Luke incredulously. Luke Hemmings had actually just flirted with him. The boy he had been crushing since grade ‘9 had called him cute. His mouth was gaped open, his eyes wide, just staring at Luke. 

“S-sorry, I shouldn’t of said that.” 

“N-no, it’s fine. I was just surprised that you called me cute. I’ve never been called that before,” he rushed to explain. 

“Really, ‘cause you’re like really hot,” Luke commented making the hazel eyed boy blush a dark red. 

“Not more than you,” he mumbled quietly but not enough for Luke not to hear. He smirked, his eyes glancing down to the boy’s lips, wanting to take him home. 

“You wanna get out of here?” Luke asked suggestively. 

“But what about my coke?” he responded oblivious to what Luke was implying. 

“Fine, we’ll get you your coke first.” 

“And then what?” Ashton was so utterly oblivious to what was going on. Luke ignored him, walking faster to get to the 7-11. He entered the store, Ashton not far behind him. He grabbed a coke along with condoms and lube. Ashton just stared at him as he went to check out, completely clueless. He paid for the items and left the store. When they got back to the house, Luke led him to the backseat of his car. Luke straddled the boy, climbing on top of him. It was then that Ashton realized what was going on. Luke was leaning in to kiss him, his lips just inches apart from his. It was very tempting but this was not how Ashton wanted his first kiss. 

“Aren’t you going to take me on a date first?” Ashton asked, pulling back from the kiss. Luke looked at him strangely then burst out laughing. 

“Sorry what?” 

“Aren’t you going to take me on a date before you kiss me?” 

“You’re kidding me right?” 

“No.” Both boys sat up staring at each other. 

“Luke Hemmings doesn’t do dates,” he stated. 

“Well, I don’t do one night stands,” Ashton sassed. Luke found it quite hot but knew now was not the time. 

“That’s too bad. I was really looking forward to spending the night with you,” Luke said trying to sound seductive, his lips ghosting over Ashton’s ear making him quiver. 

“You’re gonna have to do a lot more than that to get me to spend the night with you.” With that, Ashton stepped out of the car grabbing his coke and grabbed Michael, dragging him home.


	5. I Need a Little Good Luck

_“I need a little more help than a little bit_

_Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet_

_Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied_

_I need a little good luck to get me by this time.”_

_\- Faber Drive (Tongue Tied)_

“And then he was like aren’t you going to take me on a date first?” Luke told Calum. They were at their usual lunch table with the hockey guys. Calum chuckled at his friend, amused with how upset he was over this. Luke was used to getting whoever he wanted whenever he wanted. To say the least, he wasn’t used to rejection. 

“Like who does he think he is?” the blonde asked with frustration. 

“Why do you care so much? You could just about get any guy you want,” Mark remarked. He was a senior on the hockey team along with Luke and Calum. He had a buzz cut but was able to pull it off. Luke looked to Mark, not having an answer to that. He wasn’t one to care about much of anything or anyone. He let very few people get close to him, one of those being Calum. They’d know each other since Luke moved next door to him in year 2. He’d never had a boyfriend before, he didn’t do dating. He was much more for one night stands. He thought love was just a bunch of bullshit and lies. Calum was now talking about some girl he hooked up with at the party. Calum dated a few girls, he had just broken up with his girlfriend of two years the other week. He was enjoying his newly singleness. Luke glanced across the cafeteria, spotting Ashton sitting with some guy with bright green hair. They were at a small table in the back, just the two of them sitting there playing with the mystery cafeteria meat, poking at it and pouring different drinks on it. Ashton laughed when Michael stuck an M &M in it, his nose crinkling up while giggling. A smile emerged onto Luke’s face from seeing the hazel eyed boy. Ashton looked up from the ‘food’, his eyes meeting Luke’s. His heart sped up in his chest when they locked eyes. His eyes changed color in the light and Luke loved that. He never took notice of people’s eyes until Ashton. His eyes made Luke feel all jittery on the inside, like there were butterflies in his stomach. 

“Luke,” Calum nearly yelled stretching out the L in his name. He had been trying to get his friend’s attention, yelling his name and snapping his fingers. Luke broke out of the trance, looking to Calum. 

“What?” he asked annoyed. Calum peaked over his shoulder trying to see what his friend was staring so intently at. 

“What were you staring at?” Calum’s eyes then found the curly haired boy. A smirk formed on his lips. 

“You have a crush on Ashton,” he stated causing Luke to quickly shake his head. 

“I do not,” the blonde denied frantically. 

“You so do,” Calum teased. Luke laughed at the mere thought of having a crush. 

“So let me get this straight, your dream guy basically asked to have sex with you and you told him he had to take you on a date first,” Michael asked incredulous. 

“Yup,” Ashton said popping the ‘p’. 

“God, you’re an idiot,” he stated shaking his head. 

“Well, gee thanks,” Ashton uttered sarcastically. 

“So, what trouble did you get into at the party while I was away?” he asked, changing the topic. 

“Oh, I don’t remember much after doing body shots off this blonde chick.” Ashton shook his head at his friend. 

“We going to the hockey game tomorrow?” Michael asked. He held his head up with his hand, his head aching from the night before. 

“Course.” The bell rang and the boys headed off to class. 

Luke stared at the big red F written on his essay. He knew he’d have to start picking up on his grades to stay on the team. Right under the embarrassing score were the words, ‘see me’. He sighed as the bell rang for the end of class. He made his way over to the teacher’s desk. She was a older women with short blonde hair and kinda looked like the devil. She glanced up at him, gesturing for someone else to come over. 

“I figured getting you a tutor would be helpful for you,” she started. Luke groaned, he was hoping to just cheat his way through the rest of the year. 

“Do I have to?” he complained. 

“You do if you want to graduate with your other classmates. Now this is one of my best students, Ashton Irwin. He will be tutoring you for the rest of the year.” Luke tried to suppress the smile that came dangerously close to forming on his face. 

“Do you two know each other?” Both boys nodded trying not to look at the other. The devil teacher dismissed them and they headed out the class. 

“When do you want to start?” Ashton asked. Luke finally allowed his blue orbs to meet Ashton’s hazel ones. 

“Today, after my hockey practice gets out,” he said trying not to sound too eager. 

“Okay, what time is that?” 

“5, here let me give you my address and cell number.” Ashton handed Luke a new iPhone 5S with a case on it that had song lyrics with the background of a black and white faded city. Luke added himself as a contact, putting in his address and cell number. He made sure to put a whole bunch of emojis next to his name. He then handed the phone back to Ashton, the boy smiled seeing what Luke put in as his contact, Lukey Boy <3\. 

“See you then,” Ashton said as he headed off. The two parted their ways, Ashton heading to his house and Luke heading to hockey practice. 

Ashton arrived home to an empty house. He headed over to the kitchen table seeing a note saying that his mom had taken his younger siblings to the park. He had two siblings, a 12 year old sister and 8 year old brother. His mom worked full time being that their dad left them when Ashton was just 13, his siblings barely remembered his father. Ashton did though, he was pretty close with his dad. It was their tradition every night to watch Jeopardy while eating dinner. Ashton still did that and just imagined his father sitting next to him yelling out answers and commenting on how ugly the competitors were. 

Ashton began on his homework, listening to some music while doing so. He liked doing his schoolwork and studying, it gave him something to do, something to keep his mind off of what little friends he had and where his dad might be. He hadn’t heard from his dad since the day he left. He never got sent a birthday gift in the mail from him or even a simple phone call. For all he knew, his dad could have fallen off the face of the earth. 

Ashton looked up at the time, seeing that it was already time to head over to Luke’s. He grabbed his car keys and drove to the address Luke had given him. The more he drove, the bigger the houses got. He pulled into the driveway of a large white house that was so big only Bill Gates could afford to live in it. Ashton hesitantly went up to the steps, ringing the gold doorbell. The door opened to reveal a older boy who looked much like Luke but a few years older. 

“Hello?” the boy said raising an eyebrow. 

“I’m here to tutor Luke,” Ashton said trying his best not to stumble over his words. The boy shouted for his brother and stepped to the side, letting Ashton in the house. The floors were shiny and wooden. Luke came down the spiral stairs that looked straight from a TV show. His hair was wet being that he had just gotten out of the shower. He wore only loose hanging grey sweatpants. Ashton bit his lip averting his eyes from the boy’s muscular chest. Luke seemed to notice smirking. 

“Let’s go upstairs,” he said leading Ashton up the stairs into a large room that was the size of Ashton’s entire house. The walls were covered with posters, to the point where you couldn’t even tell what color the walls were painted. Most were band posters, they were a few pictures of the hockey team and of Luke with Calum. 

“This place is huge,” he commented, running his fingers along the posters. 

“That’s what they all say,” Luke smirked causing Ashton to blush. 

“Let’s just get started.” Luke nodded, taking a seat on his bed. Ashton sat beside him opening up his bag. 

“So, um did you read the book?” he asked trying to keep his eyes off of the boy’s chest. 

“Which one?” 

“The Great Gatsby.” Luke got up from the bed, going over to a bookshelf that mostly held magazines and CDs. He leaned down knowing Ashton was checking out his ass. He stayed there more than needed, taking his sweet time to grab the book. When he turned around, the boy quickly averted his eyes upward, blushing red. 

“Are you going to put a shirt on?” he asked tapping his pencil while biting his lip. Luke took a seat on the bed, this time closer to the boy. 

“Do you want me to?” the blonde asked raising an eyebrow. 

“No...I mean yes,” Ashton hurrying corrected himself, face palming. 

“Which one is it?” he asked as he moved even closer, pulling Ashton’s hands away from his face. His eyes flickered to the hazel eyed boy’s lips. 

“I-I don’t know,” Ashton stuttered out, noticing how close they were. His heart was speeding up in his chest. 

“Is that so?” Luke whispered against his lips. He bought their lips together suddenly, Ashton kissed back allowing Luke to slide his tongue in his mouth. This was Ashton’s first kiss and he was okay that it wasn’t with someone he had been dating or loved because it was Luke and he had always had a major crush on the boy. Luke continued to kiss him, lying Ashton down on his bed, placing himself on top of him. Luke hands began wandering, frantically trying to get Ashton’s shirt off. Common sense suddenly knocked Ashton in the head. He pulled back, pushing Luke away, making him whine. He tried to kiss him again but Ashton pulled away. 

“You want another kiss? You’re gonna have to take me on a date first,” Ashton stated. Luke bit his lip, completing. He had never enjoyed kissing someone so much. He felt elated when they kissed, like everything else disappeared and it was just them. 

“Looks like you got yourself a date then, Irwin.”


	6. If You Stay or If You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasn't going to update but since you all are being so amazing, here's the next chapter! the more comments, the quicker i post the next chapter.

_“I'm just trying to find my place in this world_

_And I know it's not so right to feel this way about a girl_

_But if you stay or if you go I'm right there with you,_

_But you know that I'm looking for more than a pretty smile_

_And if I'm lucky you can stay for a while, but_

_If you stay or if you go I'm just hanging on again.”_

_\- State Champs (If I’m Lucky)_

“What do you do on a date?” Luke asked Calum. They were in the locker room getting ready for their big game that night. 

“Why you ask? You have a date, Hemmings?” Calum said with a chuckle. Luke looked up from tying up his skate. 

“M-maybe.” His friend looked at him incredulous, taking a seat next to him. 

“You’re serious, aren’t you? You actually have a date,” Calum stated more than questioned. Luke shyly nodded his head. For the first time in his entire life, Calum saw Luke nervous. He had known the boy his whole life but he had never once seen him anxious. But tonight was different. His hands were shaking, he kept on running his hands through his hair and biting his lip. Calum placed a hand on his friend’s back, smiling at him. 

“Going to a movie and dinner is always a great date,” Calum told him. Luke’s eyes met Calum’s. He smiled with appreciation for having such a great friend. 

“So who’s the lucky guy?” 

“Ashton,” he said quietly, barely loud enough for Calum to hear, who smiled wide. The coach came in, telling them the game starts in 5. Luke stood up, making his way onto the ice. The crowd cheered and sure enough, Ashton sat with Michael in the stands smiling at Luke. He waved to the boy feeling his heart pound in his chest. Luke made sure to not make a single mistake, not wanting to look bad in front of the hazel eyed boy. After the game was over, they won of course, 3 to 1, Luke skated over to Ashton and Michael. 

“What’d you think of the game?” he asked the boy, sweat dripped down his face, his helmet in his hands. 

“Could of been better,” Ashton teased smiling. 

“I’d like to see you try.” 

“Maybe you can teach me some time.” 

“Maybe.” Their eyes were like magnets, locked together, unable to separate. 

“Hemmings, stop talking with your boyfriend and get in the locker room!” the coach shouted. 

“Looks like I gotta go, you should go to Calum’s party tonight. I’ll be there,” he said with a wink before skating off to the locker rooms. Michael smirked at his friend as he turned back to him, making their way out of the arena. 

“Did something happen between you two at your tutoring session?” he asked wiggling his eyebrows. He was surprised how quiet Ashton had been about Luke after hanging out with him. He just assumed maybe he thought Michael was tired of hearing about the blonde. His face blushed red as he tried to avoid eye contact with his friend. Michael put a hand on his arm, making him look him in the eye. 

“What happened between you and Luke?” Their eyes met for a moment causing Ashton to sigh. 

“We may or may not have made out,” he stated almost ashamed. 

“Was it like a quick kiss or like a full on make out session?” Ashton didn’t answer, he just looked down at his feet, his face becoming the color of a tomato. 

“ASHTON! You’ve been a naughty boy!” Michael shouted loud enough for everyone in the parking lot to hear. He looked like Ashton’s mom with his hand on his hip and narrow eyes. 

“Shhh, there are people out here.” He tried to quiet his friend, pulling him to the car. They got in the car, buckling their seat belts. 

“You two didn’t do the deed, did you?” 

“God no, I stopped him before we went any further.” The two fell silent as he pulled out of the parking lot. 

“We’re kinda going on a date.” Michael’s jaw nearly dropped. 

“You got Luke Hemmings to go on a date with you? You know that boy has never been in a serious relationship like ever.” Michael took note of where they were going, Calum’s house. 

Luke and Calum arrived back at his house about an hour later. He had spent more time than usual on his hair and outfit, making sure it was perfect for Ashton. He wore a black sleeping with sirens shirt, he knew Ashton liked them since he complimented his poster in his room and ripped black skinny jeans. Luke made his way through the house, searching for Ashton. He ended up finding him out on the porch, looking out on the water. He snuck up behind him, grabbing his waist from behind. Luke couldn’t help but notice how much he loved the feeling of having his arms around Ashton’s petite waist. Startled, he screamed a not very manly scream, Luke couldn’t help but wonder what he would sound like screaming his name. 

“Get off of me,” Ashton said in a playful voice. 

“No,” he stated as he began tickling him. Ashton broke out in laughter, falling to the porch. Luke continued to tickle him, tickling his stomach and chest. 

“Stop, stop,” Ashton said in between laughs. Luke pinned Ashton against the porch so his arms were at his side. 

“Now do you want me to stop?” he whispered close to his face. 

“No,” Ashton gulped before Luke kissed him, sliding his tongue in and grinding down on him. Ashton kissed back letting out moans. When he was very into the kiss, Ashton took that as his chance to get his revenge, he slid his hands to Luke’s stomach and tickled him. 

“Dammit Ashton, why’d you have to ruin the moment,” Luke said in between laughter as he tickled his sides. Even though Luke didn’t want to admit it, he couldn’t think of a time he smiled more in his whole life.


	7. Don't Tell Me That I'm Dreaming

_“And please don't tell me that I'm dreaming_

_When all I ever wanted was to dream another sunset with you_

_If I roll over when it's over_

_I'll take this Cali sunrise with me_

_And wake up with the fondest memories.”_

_\- Mayday Parade (Jamie All Over)_

Luke changed his outfit for the sixth time, still not pleased with the outcome. He had a pile of clothes on the clothes that he had tried on and discarded. He was picking Ashton up in 15 minutes and he still had to finish his hair and pick an outfit. There was a knock on the door before Ben entered his room. 

“What’s going on in here?” he asked, eyebrows rising as he noted the messy pile of clothes on the floor and Luke’s half done hair. 

“I can’t figure out what to wear,” he groaned. Half of his hair was styled up in a quiff and the other half still laid flat on his head. He looked quite ridiculous. 

“Where are you going that’s got you so nervous?” Ben questioned as he searched through his brother’s closet. 

“A date,” he said so quiet Ben thought he had heard him wrong. 

“A what?” 

“I have a date,” he stated, this time louder. 

“My brother, Luke Hemmings going on a date? Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” his brother chuckled incredulous. 

“Will you just help me figure out what to wear?” 

“Yeah, here,” he handed the blonde a white v neck and a flannel. 

“Thanks,” Luke muttered as he threw the shirt on. 

“Anytime, now go finish your hair.” 

Ashton left his house when he saw Luke’s Range Rover pull in the driveway. He took shotgun, looking over to see a nervous Luke. He started the car then drove off. 

“So where are we going?” Ashton asked curious. 

“I figured we do dinner and a movie.” They pulled up to a kind of fancy restaurant that was right on the water and had tables outsides that overlooked the ocean. They both got of the car going to the table Luke had made a reservation for which happened to be the best seat in the house. It was right on the edge of the deck, overlooking the water and the sunset. 

“Wow, this place is beautiful. How’d you discover it?” 

“My grandma took me here for my 13th birthday. I’ve made Calum come here with me every christmas eve ever since. The foods amazing but my favorite part for me is watching the sunset over the ocean.” Ashton nodded smiling at how open Luke was being with him. The waitress came and took their orders. 

“I think that’s my favorite part about living here, getting to see the ocean and all the other beautiful scenery here.” Conversation flowed effortlessly through the entire dinner. They talked of school, their families, passions and hobbies. 

“How long have you been playing hockey?” 

“Since I was 5, it was something my dad and I always did together. He would always take me to the ring every Saturday.” 

“Does he still do that?” Ashton asked. Luke’s smile suddenly fell, pain evident in his eyes. 

“No.” Ashton could tell it was a sensitive topic and changed the subject. Neither of them had smiled more that night. After dinner, they headed to the movies where they saw Pitch Perfect 2. Luke had his arm slung around Ashton throughout the entire movie. They shared a popcorn, purposely letting their fingers meet while grabbing a handful. Ashton couldn’t help but to notice the sparks that he felt when their palms touched. After the movie, Luke drove Ashton home, walking him to his doorstep. They held hands as they did so, stopping at the door to just stare at each other and how the moon lit up each of their faces in the night. 

“I had a lot of fun last night,” Ashton said with a smile dancing on his lips. 

“Me too, we should do this again sometime.” 

“For sure, I guess I’ll see you for torturing tomorrow.” Ashton turned to head inside but Luke grabbed on his wrist, making him face him. It all seemed to be happening in slow motion for Ashton as Luke bent down to kiss his lips. The kiss was different from their previous ones, it wasn’t heated nor passionate, it was simple and beautiful. It only lasted a few seconds but the feeling of fireworks going off lasted long after Luke drove off. 

When Ashton came over the next day, he noticed how neither of Luke’s parents were home. It was the weekend so it’s not like they were working. He wanted to ask him about it but was a bit afraid to. It seemed to be a sensitive subject. They had been studying for over an hour now, Luke was improving a lot. 

“Can we take a break?” the blonde asked as he shut his notebook before Ashton could respond. 

“Yeah.” Luke stood up from the bed, stretching. 

“Do you want a snack or anything?” Ashton’s stomach grumbled in response so the two headed down the stairs to the kitchen. He took a seat by the island. The house was oddly quiet being that Luke and Ben were the only ones home. Luke went over to the cupboard, looking for food. Ashton surveyed his surroundings, he had only been in the kitchen briefly. It was a huge kitchen, There was an island with four chairs, behind it being the refrigerator, cupboards, counters, and sink. Then there was a long dining table that could seat at least 5 people. Ashton noticed some photos on the fridge of Luke with his family. There weren’t any recent photos of him with his parents, the most recent he looked to be at the most 14. He couldn’t help but wonder if something had happened to Luke’s parents. In all of the photos, it showed three boys who all looked a lot alike with blonde hair a blue eyes. But Ashton had only seen Ben. He had never seen Jack and Luke seemed to avoid talking about him. 

Ben entered the kitchen smiling. He was taller than Luke, his hair was a bit darker than his brother’s and longer. 

“You must be the famous Ashton, Luke stops talking about. I’m Ben,” he says as he shakes Ashton’s hand. Luke groans, his face flushed red. 

“C’mon Ash, let’s go back upstairs.” Luke grabs a bowl of chips and the two head up the stairs. They enter Luke’s room, sitting on his bed. 

“Your brother seems nice,” Ashton comments as he grabs a chip. 

“Yeah, he is.” 

“Where’s your other brother, Jack is it?” Luke avoids eye contact as he grabs a chip. 

“He doesn’t live with us anymore,” he simply says, his voice distant and sheltered. 

“Oh,” is all Ashton has to say ‘cause what else is there to say to that? He reaches out, taking Luke’s hand into his. He turns his hand over and kisses the top of it. 

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he asks meeting Luke’s blue blue eyes. Luke just nods shyly. 

“How about after your practice on Wednesday, you teach me how to play hockey?” he suggests. 

“Sounds good.” The two kisses, sparks illuminating between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any predictions or guesses about what happened to Luke's brother, Jack? Thanks for reading, plz comment your thoughts on the chapter:)


	8. Tell Me We'll Hold On

_“Hold on, tell me we'll hold on_

_To today, to tonight, to the morning_

_And just hold on, tell me we'll hold on_

_'Cause you feel, 'cause you breathe, 'cause when hurting_

_We are worth it, we can hold on.”_

_\- Go Radio (Hold On)_

Michael and Ashton sat on the floor of his bedroom going through flashcards for their upcoming Science test. 

“Can we take a break and talk about your and Luke’s date?” Michael asked as he set the cards down. Ashton sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest. 

“It went really well,” he said as he picked at the carpet. 

“C’mon, give me the deets.” 

“We went to dinner then saw Pitch Perfect.” Ashton seemed reluctant to open up about Luke. 

“How come when Luke had never spoken to you, you talked about him nonstop and now that you two have a relationship you don’t talk about him?” The two boys’ eyes meet. 

“I didn’t think you wanted to hear about it. I feel bad ‘cause you’re the one who wanted all of this, going to parties, going on dates, I never wanted this until now.” 

“Of course I wanna hear about it, Ash. Just because I don’t have a love life, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear about yours. You’re my best friend and you can tell me anything and everything even if I act like I don’t always wanna hear it,” Michael finished his soliloquy, smiling at Ashton. 

Luke arrived home from practice to an empty house. It was raining out which seemed fitting being what day it was. He grabbed some cash, dropped off his backpack then ran back out. He knew the way there by heart now. He use to visit everyday the first year it happened. But then one day, Luke realized going there wouldn’t bring them back, neither would crying or mourning. So, he sucked it up, plastering a big ol fake smile on and went about his life. Only visiting them once a month. It didn’t even hurt when he had to stop by more places while there. He had been hurt so much, he had grown numb to the pain. Nothing could hurt him anymore than he already was, he was broken and shattered beyond repair. 

He stepped out of the car, he had bought flowers at the store and made his way through the mud. It always rained when he came there. He walked passed the stones, making his way to the back. He stopped at two large stones. There were side by side and had the same last name engraved in them. Luke dropped to his knees, not caring how dirty his jeans got. And then he sobbed. And not the quiet kind, he cried loud and hysteric, loud enough to wake anyone within the proximity. He hadn’t cried in a long while but one can only hold himself together for so long. He suddenly felt a hand on his back. He turned around to see Calum. He wiped his eyes, embarrassed Calum was seeing him like this even though he had seen him like this before. 

“How’d you know I’d be here?” Luke asked his best friend. 

“You always come here when you’re having a bad day,” he stated. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, pulling him in close. Letting him sob into his arms like he had the night he lost them and at the funeral. 

“I just wonder if they’d be proud of me,” he whispered into Calum’s ear. His voice was so quiet and completely and utterly broken. Calum pulled away just a bit to look his friend in the eye. He used his thumb to wipe away his tears. 

“Of course they would, Luke.” 

“Do you think they would of accepted me? I never got to come out to them.” 

“I don’t think they would care. They loved you no matter what.” 

Ashton was working an essay for his college application when he got a text from Luke. 

Lukey 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is probably the last chapter i post for like two weeks, since i'm going out of town, i might post before i leave depending on my motivation to update aka how much y'all comment and such. i saw marianas trench in concert last night they were absolutely amazing even though Josh wasn't wearing a shirt and his pants were riding really low so you could see his crotch hair. I also got warped tour tickets so i'm super excited about that. Are any of you guys going to warped? Also, I've been trying to find some good lashton fanfics to read so if you have any suggestions leave them below. thanks for reading and everything:)


	9. I Hold You Up Above Everyone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter before i leave since y'all have been so amazing! warning ashton's mom is a bit of a bitch

_“And now I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone._

_And now I do want you to know I think you'd be good to me_

_And I'd be so good to you.”_

_\- Marianas Trench (Good to You)_

“Ashton, where were you? You missed your ACT tutoring session!” Ashton’s mom yelled at him. He had just gotten back from his date with Luke. He was in an insanely good mood, well until he got home. 

“Sorry, mom. I totally forgot.” She was still waiting for an explanation of where he was. 

“I was-I was on a date,” he told his mom, unable to lie to her. He’d always been horrible at lying especially to his mom. 

“With who?” she asked, her eyebrows raising. 

“My boyfriend.” Ashton went over to the kitchen table and sat down across from his mother. 

“Ash, you don’t have time for boyfriends right now. Not if you want to get into Harvard,” she stated in a sharp voice cutting through his skin like glass. 

“Mom, I have a 4.2 GPA, my ACT score is a 34 and I’ve already have received acceptance letters from colleges. I want to be able to live my life while I still can.” 

“And your score should be a 36, if you want to get in. Who is this boy you’re dating anyway?” 

“Luke Hemmings, he’s captain of the hockey team. You can’t tell me who I can and can’t date.” She stared at him hard, it was hard for her to see her son growing up. He was her oldest and she was afraid of what would happen next year with him all the way in the States. But she never told him that of course, she didn’t want him to worry about her. 

“Fine, but you have to have him over for dinner one night, so I can meet the boy.” Ashton nodded. He wasn’t sure what his mom would think of Luke. He’s sure she would say he wasn’t good enough for him, but most parents think that. 

“Okay.” 

Luke was nearly skipping around the house when he arrived home from school. Ben seemed to notice his change of attitude. 

“What’s got you so happy?” his brother asked. It had been a long time since he had seen his little brother so happy, years in fact. 

“I asked Ashton to be my boyfriend today, and he said yes.” Ben looked at him surprised. He had seen his brother bring many boys home over the past years but most of them would be gone by the morning. 

“Wow, I’m so happy for you Luke,” he said genuinely smiling at Luke. He had watched him struggle with his parents deaths for years and now to see him beginning to move on was eye opening. Ben had spent the past few years taking care of Luke, so much so he had little time to actually sit back and grieve. He hadn’t cried in a long while. He couldn’t, not in front of his little brother. He had to appear to be strong for him. They were each other’s only family. He was very protective over Luke, but he would have to learn to let go considering he’d be going off to college soon. 

At school the next day, Luke and Ashton walked to most of their classes together. It was now lunch and Ashton sat with Michael. He saw Luke with Calum and everyone on the hockey team. 

“That’s so cliche though,” Michael complained about how Luke asked him out. Ashton and Luke made eye contact, not sure if one should join the other for lunch. Sure enough, Calum and Luke made their way over with their lunches and sat at their table. Calum introduced himself to the pair and opened his lunchbox. 

“You like Issues?” Michael asked Calum seeing his Issues shirt. 

“Love them, I’ve tried to get Luke here to listen to them but he hates them.” 

“Yeah, Ashton can’t stand them either. I think they scare him,” Michael stated causing Ashton to blush and the rest to chuckle. 

“They do not, they just scream too much,” he exclaimed. Luke stared fondly at the hazel eyed boy, both their friends noticed but they didn’t say a thing. 

“When they opened up for All Time Low, you were literally hiding under your jacket,” Michael stated causing the table to laugh. 

“Did not,” he pouted. 

“Did too, and I have the pictures to prove it.” Ashton sent him a death glare trying to be serious but ended up bursting out in laughter. 

“It’s good but you need to go a little bit more in depth,” Ashton stated to Luke after reading a rough draft of his english essay. Luke groaned, lying back on his bed. They were over at his house for a tutoring session. 

“Why must we write essays?” he whined more than asked. Ashton rolled his eyes, setting down the paper. 

“Because we need them to get into college,” Ashton laid down next to Luke on his bed. They both just stared up at the ceiling which was covered in band posters, Ashton wondered how he got them up there. 

“Not if you’re a hockey player.” Luke looked down to Ashton, their eyes locking. He turned on his side, until he was hovering over the hazel eyed boy. He elegantly leaned down, pressing a kiss to the boy’s lips, his hand going in Ashton’s long curly locks while his wrapped around Luke’s waist. He deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue inside Ashton mouth and began grinding his hips down on him, making the boy moan. 

“Luuke,” he moaned, stretching out the u. Luke moved his lips away from Ashton’s, only to attach them to his neck. He turned his head to the side to give his boyfriend better access. He moved his lips down Ashton’s neck to his collarbone where he began sucking on his sweet spot, sure to leave a mark. Ashton was a moaning mess, his pants tightening with each second. Suddenly, the door opened and Ben walked in. The boys immediately detached themselves. 

“Sorry, just wanted to let you know dinner’s ready. Ashton, you’re welcomed to stay if you’d like,” Ben said awkwardly. Ashton straightened himself, fixing his hair. Ben then left, causing Luke to groan loudly at how much of a cockblocker his brother was. 

“I should actually get home. I have to study for a AP test I have tomorrow.” Luke nodded, though he seemed sad to see him leave. 

“Okay, see you tomorrow then?” Ashton gathered his books and car keys. 

“Yeah, speaking of that, my mom wants to have you over for dinner some time this week.” 

“Oh,” Luke said, trying to hide his nervousness. Parents didn’t typically like him. 

“Would wednesday work?” Luke nodded, standing up to kiss his boyfriend goodbye. He gave him a quick kiss then he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i won't be back for like ten days, i will be camping without internet access so yeah thats gonna be fun (not). when i get back i will post the next chapter and the sequel to Somewhere in Neverland, Six Feet Under the Stars!


	10. Never Let You Fall

_“I will never let you fall (let you fall)_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven”_

_\- The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus_

Luke stared in the mirror, he was having dinner with Ashton and his mom tonight. He had never been so nervous in his life. Parents usually didn’t like him. He took his lip ring off, afraid of looking like a bad boy to Ashton’s mom even though he kinda was. He wore his only skinny jeans without holes and a plain white tshirt. 

“Luke, you’re going to be late,” Ben shouted at him from down the stairs. Luke gave himself one final look in the mirror and headed downstairs. He said goodbye to his brother and drove to Ashton’s house, making sure to turn down his radio when he got close to his boyfriend’s house. He was surprised by how much he loved saying and hearing that. His boyfriend. This was his first time going to Ashton’s house. It was much smaller than his own, it was cute though. He lived in a tight knit neighborhood where the yards were barely existent. His house was all made out of bricks, making it a dark brown color. It looked like there was a bedroom or two upstairs. There was a garden in the yard along with many bushes and trees. He knocked on the door, holding flowers in his hands. His brother had insisted he buy them. Ashton opened the door, wearing almost the same attire as Luke. The two smiled at each other, Luke’s a nervous smile while Ashton’s was genuine. 

“Come in,” he said, stepping aside for the boy. Luke took a step in the small house. There was a family room to the right of the doorway with a average sized TV and two couches and to the left was a small kitchen with a small dining table. 

“These are for your mom,” Luke stated quietly. 

“You didn’t get any flowers for me?” Ashton said joking. Luke looked around nervously, not getting the joke. 

“I’m joking, babe. That was very sweet of you.” Ashton leaned forward pecking Luke’s cheek. Just then, Ashton’s mom entered the room. She was a short petite lady with short brown hair and hazel eyes. Her and her son were mirror images of each other, she was shorter though. She stepped forward introducing herself. 

“I’m Ms. Irwin, but you can call me Anne,” she said offering her hand for him to shake. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Luke,” he shook her hand trying to stop his hands from sweating. 

“Luke got you flowers,” Ashton said, showing his mom them. 

“How nice, I’ll go put those in a vase, dinner should be ready in a few.” She left the room leaving the two boys alone. Ashton could tell his boyfriend was nervous. He grabbed Luke’s shaking hand and locked their fingers together. 

“You’re doing just fine,” he told him as he leaned up to quickly kiss his lips. Luke blushed red, embarrassed at how nervous he was. 

“Is it just your mom here?” Luke asked curious, noticing there was no dad. 

“Yeah, my siblings are with a sitter and well, my dad I haven’t seen him in ages.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine, c’mon let’s go eat some dinner, you like pasta right?” Luke nodded as Ashton lead him to the kitchen table and took a seat beside him. His mom served the dishes and took a seat at the end of the table. 

“So, you have any siblings, Luke?” his mom asked. 

“One older brother, you have a younger daughter and son right?” 

“Yes, I do. where do you plan on going to college?” 

“Probably somewhere close by, I don’t really know yet.” His mom stared at him like one stares at a new student, judging their every move and word. Luke shifted under her gaze, afraid of her disapproval. The rest of the dinner consisted of awkward conversation and Anne asking Luke questions. After the dinner, Ashton led Luke to his room. 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Ashton said as he took a seat on his bed. His room was small, it had a twin sized bed and was painted green with a few band posters hanging on the walls. There was a large book case filled from end to end with books and CDs. Ashton laid back on his bed and Luke joined him, letting Ashton cuddle into his chest. They just laid there in comfortable silence, off in their own worlds. Enjoying each other’s company. As much as Luke hated to admit it, he loved cuddling Ashton. It made him feel safe and warm and home. 

“Will I ever get to meet your parents?”Ashton asked, his voice hesitant, almost shaky. 

“No,” Luke said in a distant voice, avoiding eye contact. Ashton didn’t push him, he didn’t seem ready to open up just yet. He turned on his side, kissing Luke’s jaw. 

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Ashton said looking into Luke’s crystal blue eyes. He nodded shyly. He couldn’t stop thinking about his parents and what they would of thought of Ashton. He knew his dad would love him, his mom would too, maybe even Jack too. But it didn’t matter, they would never meet him, not in this life at least. 

“I’m just not ready to open up yet,” he admitted. 

“That’s okay, but know that when you are, I’m here.” Luke smiled, wondering how he got so lucky. 

“How about I take you on a date friday,” Ashton stated crawling on top of his boyfriend. 

“As long as we get to do this,” Luke said in a joking manner as he leaned down to connect their lips, his tongue roaming Ashton’s mouth, his hands grabbing at his hair making the boy moan. He began moving his hips in an attempt to rub their members together. 

“God Luke, my mom’s in the other room,” Ashton said through gritted teeth as he reluctantly pulled away. 

“How did you like Luke?” Ashton asked his mom. Luke had left an hour ago and his mom was cleaning up the kitchen. 

“He’s a nice boy, he just doesn’t seem like the dating type if you know what I mean,” she said. Ashton made his way over to her, sitting on the counter top. 

“Mom, I’ve had a crush on him since like forever. Please say you approve of him,” her son practically begged, pouting like a puppy dog. 

“I’m not in love with the boy, but if he makes you happy then I approve,” his mom told him with a smile. Ashton jumped off the counter, hugging his mom while frantically thanking her. They pulled apart, Ashton heading to his room. He was about to fall asleep when he heard a tap on his window, it was a double tap, his and Michael’s signature knock for emergencies. Ashton quickly hopped off his bed and opened his window, seeing a very sad looking Michael. He helped him into his room, Michael ended up falling on the floor and breaking down in tears. 

“Mich, what’s wrong?” Ashton asked as he hugged his friend. He just continued to cry, soaking Ash’s shirt with tears. He didn’t mind though. Michael pulled back looking his best friend in the eye. 

“My parents are getting a divorce.” He didn’t have to say no more. Ashton embraced him in a hug, then carried him bridal style to his bed. Ashton remembered how broken he was when his dad left. It was a rainy day in September, he had heard his parents fighting a lot recently. But he was just eight years old, he didn’t think nothing of it. But then his dad never came home that night or the night after that, he didn’t leave his bedroom window for days, constantly staring out it, waiting for his dad to come home. But he never did. He didn’t even say goodbye. That was the worst part for Ashton, having him there one day and then he disappeared the next without a word. 

“You can sleep here tonight, let’s get you to bed. We have school in the morning.” Ashton was worried about his friend, Michael cried himself to sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back from vacation, let me know what you think of the chapter.


	11. Be Your Everything

_“I'll be your shelter_

_I'll be your storm_

_I'll make you shiver_

_I'll keep you warm_

_Whatever weather_

_Baby I'm yours_

_Be your forever, be your fling_

_Baby I will be your everything.”_

_\- Boys Like Girls (Everything)_

After school on friday, Calum and Luke met up with Ashton and Michael. Ashton felt bad being that he was spending so much time with his boyfriend so he invited Michael with him to his and Luke’s date and Luke brought Calum so he wouldn’t be third wheeling. They all piled into Ashton’s jeep, fighting over the radio, Calum wanting to listen to rap, Michael to screamo, and Luke and Ashton to punk. They arrived at the arcade just as they agreed on a station. They hopped out of the car, Ashton taking Luke’s hand, letting Michael and Calum walk ahead. 

“Sorry, it’s not just us,” Ashton said as he stopped walking for a moment, looking his boyfriend in the eye. 

“I just couldn’t leave Michael alone, he’s going through a rough time,” he explained. Luke nodded. 

“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” Luke told him as he bent down to place a kiss on his forehead. 

“C’mon lovebirds!” Calum shouted making Ashton jump. The four went inside the building. It was an old building that had probably been there since their parents were little. But most arcades were gone now, replaced with wiis and playstations. Calum and Michael headed to the shooting games while Ashton and Luke went to the pacman machine. Luke watched as Ashton lost five times in a row. 

“You suck at this game,” Luke commented stepping up so he was directly behind the boy. 

“That’s not the only thing I suck,” Ashton jeered causing Luke to face palm. He leaned over Ashton’s shoulder, his head next to his neck. 

“Let me teach you how to suck less,” he placed his hands over Ashton’s. He turned around a bit to face him with a smirk saying, “I don’t wanna suck less.” Luke chuckled, shaking his head as he guided Ashton’s hand away from the ghosts, winning the game. Ashton cheered turning around to face his boyfriend. 

“How’d you do that? You’re like a wizard!” he exclaimed. Ashton leaned up, kissing Luke’s cheek causing the blonde to blush. 

“C’mon, let’s go play some other games.” Ashton was horrible at just about every game, or maybe he wasn’t but was pretending to so he could feel Luke’s hands on his, whispering in his ear tips. Luke won him many coins which could be traded in for prizes at the end. Ashton kept on eye on Michael who seemed to be having fun with Calum, the two competing against each other, seeing who could win the most coins. They all gathered together to eat dinner, getting a large pizza, half cheese, half pepperoni. They shared embarrassing moments about each other and favorite memories. Ashton loved how the four got along so well, he couldn’t wish for anything more. After they finished eating, Luke took Ashton to the Photo Booth. Luke took a seat on the bench, Ashton sitting on his lap. They made funny faces in the first one. Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke for the second one, engulfing him in a hug. 

“I got an idea,” Ashton said for the third picture, he jumped off his boyfriend’s lap and made it look like he was sucking him off for the picture. Luke chuckled at the boy, smiling wide. 

“C’mere,” he said, pulling Ashton back onto his lap, the two boys facing each other, faces inches apart. They bought their lips together, Luke sticking his tongue in Ashton’s mouth causing the boy to moan. Luke could feel his heart racing the entire time they were kissing, pounding in his chest, butterflies in his stomach. Ashton’s hands gripped Luke’s hair as he ground down on the boy, Luke’s hand gripping the boy’s shirt. 

“Guys, your turn is over-oh,” Michael peaked in with Calum seeing the two causing them to separate. 

“Great, now I bet there’s cum all over the seat,” Calum complained. Ashton stood up, straightening his shirt, Luke did as well, trying to ignore the tent in his jeans. 

“Don’t worry, you stopped us before we could, you cockblocker!” Ashton joked as he walked out of the booth with Luke, grabbing their photos. 

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, unless you’d like to come with me,” Luke said shifting uncomfortably. 

“You’re gonna have to do a lot more than that to get me to give you a handjob,” Ashton stated with a smirk. The blonde nodded, heading to the bathroom to go relieve himself. Ashton found himself for the first time ever, wanting to follow Luke to the bathroom and have his way with him. It scared him, he had never known what lust was like until now, his hand aching to help Luke out but his head telling him it’s too soon, and unsanitary. Ashton shook his head of the dirty thoughts, seeing Michael and Calum step out of the booth. He pulled Michael aside, he hadn’t gotten to talk to him much. 

“You doing okay?” Ashton asked him, concern evident in his eyes. 

“Yeah, thanks for this.” 

“Anytime buddy,” he said placing his hand on Michael’s shoulder in a friendly gesture. 

“So, have you and Luke done the deed yet?” his friend asked wiggling his eyebrows. 

“No, we’ve only been dating for like a week, Ashton stated crossing his arms. 

“Do you want to?” Luke arrived back before Ashton could answer. 

“Let’s go pick out our prizes,” Calum said heading over to them. They all went over to the booth with lots of stuffed animals lined up of all different sizes. 

“How about, you pick mine and I’ll pick one for you,” Ashton suggested knowing exactly what Luke wanted seeing how he was ogling the large penguin. 

“AWWW,” Calum gushed like a five year old causing the others to look at him with annoyed expressions. 

“Calum, you totally ruined their moment,” Michael scolded him causing him to pout. 

“Anyway, what do you say Luke?” Ashton turned to his boyfriend who nodded hesitantly. He was panicking on the insides because he had no idea of what Ashton wanted. He had never asked him what his favorite animal was or even color. 

“I’ll have the large penguin,” Ashton told the lady working the booth. She had short blonde hair with purple highlights and blue eyes. He could tell both Michael and Calum were checking her out. She handed him the stuffed animal, collecting his tickets. Luke stared at Ashton wide eyed, he had picked exactly what he wanted. He didn’t remember ever telling him what his favorite animal was, then again he was pretty open about it considering his instagram name was luke_loves_penguins. His eyes scanned the stuffed animals, unsure which he would like best, trying to think of their past conversations. Michael moved to stand right beside him. 

“Get him the gizmo,” Michael whispered to Luke. 

“The what?” 

“Gizmo, it’s right next to the pink Lion.” Luke nodded, mouthing a thank you. 

“The large Gizmo,” Luke told the lady watching as Ashton smiled wide. The two traded stuffed animals. 

“Let’s take a selfie with them,” Ashton suggested as he stood next to Luke holding his Gizmo, Luke holding his penguin. The blonde kissed his boyfriend’s cheek as he held the camera out taking a picture of the two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for how long it took me to update, i've had writers block recently. please leave comments and kudos. y'all better know what a gizmo is otherwise google it, they're adorable! thanks for reading:)


	12. I'm Never Gonna Be Good Enough For You

_“And now I try hard to make it_

_I just wanna make you proud_

_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_

_Can't pretend that_

_I'm alright_

_And you can't change me_

_'Cause we lost it all_

_Nothing lasts forever_

_I'm sorry_

_I can't be perfect”_

_\- simple plan (perfect)_

Calum sat next to Luke in the locker room, tying his skates up. 

“You and Ashton seem to be doing good,” Calum stated to his friend who sat beside him. He nodded shyly. Luke wasn’t the person to talk about his personal life, not even to his best friend. 

“Listen Luke,” the blonde looked up at his friend, their eyes meeting. 

“This is the happiest I’ve seen you in a long time. Ashton’s good for you. But don’t let that scare you, don’t be afraid to open up to him. And don’t push him away,” Calum told him knowing how he constantly pushed people away when they got too close to him for comfort. Luke just nodded, his main focus being on the game they were about to play. The coach came in telling them to get their asses out there. Luke stood up, leaving the locker room without a word. He thought about the last time he let someone in and how much they hurt him, how every person he got close to left him except Calum and Ben. The thought of losing Ashton scarred Luke and that in itself made him afraid of how attached he already was to the boy, when he had only known him for just under a month. His blue eyes found Ashton’s hazel ones in the stands. He wore a smile on his face as he cheered holding a sign that read go Kolas, he wore the jersey Luke had given him and a red bandana, the school color. Luke turned away, getting in his ready position, trying to keep his focus on the game. 

“Dammit!” Ashton shouted in frustration as the second period drew to a close and their team was losing. Michael came back with popcorn and took a seat beside Ashton. 

“What did I miss?” Michael asked even though he wasn’t interested. 

“The opposing team scored another goal,” Ashton said slumping. Michael looked at the scoreboard seeing it was 1-3. 

“They still have another period, they’ll tie it up.” 

They didn’t tie it up though, the game ended, 2-3. Most would say that’s close enough. But not for Luke. He entered the locker room defeated, not saying a single word as he took his time changing. His teammates passed by him without saying a word to him, they knew by now to leave the boy alone when they lost. Calum grabbed his bag and went up to Luke. 

“I’m heading out, you gonna be okay?” Calum asked as he placed a hand on Luke’s back. 

“Yeah,” he said in a small voice. 

“It’s not your fault, y’know,” his best friend told him before leaving. Luke was now the only person left in the locker room. He shut his locker with a slam and punched the locker next to it making his fist bruise. He let himself sink to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest and began sobbing. Luke couldn’t stand losing and not because he was competitive, he was but it was more than just that. 

Ashton had been waiting for Luke for quite some time now, he was usually out by now. Becoming worried, he reluctantly entered the locker room. He heard crying as soon as he shut the door. 

“Luke,” he called out cautiously. The blonde lifted his head up to see who it was. Ashton’s heart sank when seeing the boy, he ran over to him, pulling him into his arms. Luke hugged Ashton, crying into his shoulder, soaking his shirt. Ashton wasn’t used to seeing Luke like this, he had never seen him upset before. And it broke his heart to see him this way. 

“It’s okay baby, I’m here,” Ashton told him, rocking the blonde back and forth. 

“I-I let him down, I keep letting him down,” Luke uttered, tears falling from his crystal blue eyes. 

“Who?” Ashton used his thumb to wipe away the tears leaving his boyfriend’s eyes. 

“My dad,” he choked back another sob, curling up into Ashton’s lap. The hazel eyed boy could see the pain in the boy’s eyes and decided not to ask him anything else. 

“C’mon, Luke. Let’s get you home,” Ashton stood up with the boy in his arms, carrying him bridal style to his car. He let out a groan when Ashton set him in the passenger seat. He stared at him with concern, patting back the boy’s hair. His heart ached for the blue eyed boy, wanting to take away his pain. He was too beautiful to cry. He shut the door and got in the driver’s seat, driving them to Luke’s house. 

Ashton’s thoughts wandered as he drove them, the radio was on low, not wanting to wake the boy. He wanted Luke to open up to him. He had so many unanswered questions that he was too afraid to ask. Like what happened to his parents or brother? He wondered if maybe his dad had left him when he was young like his own or maybe his parents died, or maybe he was adopted, or maybe his mom was the one who left him or maybe he and Ben ran away from his parents. He worried about the blue eyed boy, on the outside it seemed like he had no problems, nothing to be sad about. But up close, one could see the hurt that was evident in his eyes, the internal scars left on his skin from all the pain in his life. Ashton would of done anything to take just a little bit of that pain away. 

He pulled into the driveway, putting his car in park and carrying Luke out of the car, who was still sound asleep. The lights were off and no one was home when Ashton entered the house. It was quite lonely. He took him straight to his room and laid him on his bed. He pulled his shoes off along with his skinny jeans, he never woke once during this, only steered. He kissed the blonde’s forehead and went to leave but turned at a small, weak voice. 

“Stay.” And that was all it took for Ashton to shut the lights off and hop in bed with the boy, letting him cuddle into his chest. 

It was the brightness of the morning sun that woke Luke up that next morning. He didn’t remember much from the night before other than them losing the game and Ashton taking him home after he had a meltdown. He felt beside him to notice the spot next to him was empty, but he seemed to remember feeling Ashton’s body against his when he slept, maybe he had imaged it. He got up from his bed, his eyes hurting from all the crying he did the other day. He didn’t bother putting on clothes and walked downstairs. He could hear talking and laughing in the kitchen. He could also smell his favorite breakfast being cooked, chocolate chip pancakes. Luke let a smile form on his lips when he recognized one of the voices to be Ashton’s. He entered the room noticing how his boyfriend’s eyes lit up when seeing him. His did too, he just refused to admit how much of an effect Ashton had on him. 

“Morning Luke,” his brother said to him. He stood next to Ashton leaning over the stove, there was a pan on the stove with pancake mix in it. Luke walked towards them, he was still tired and all he wanted to do was watch Netflix while cuddled up on the couch with Ashton. The hazel eyed boy could sense his tiredness as he opened his arms, letting the boy run into his arms, resting his chin on his shoulder. 

“Why don’t you go to the couch and I’ll bring you your breakfast when it’s ready,” Ashton told him as he pulled back a bit to look the boy in the eye as he used his fingers to smooth the blondes hair. 

“Thanks,” Luke mumbled as he headed over to the family room, settling down on the couch, turning on Netflix. 

Meanwhile, Ashton stood with Ben in the kitchen. 

“You’re really good for him,” the brother stated as he set some pancakes on a plate for Luke. 

“Thanks, he’s good for me too,” Ashton stated as he leaned against the counter. Ben looked much like an older version of Luke with his blonde hair and blue eyes. He seemed to hesitant before he spoke. 

“He’s more fragile than you think, just be careful.” The hazel eyed boy looked up at the 23 year old who seemed much wiser than most people his age. He took a step closer to Ben, locking eyes with him. Ashton could tell just by looking at him how much he cared for his brother. 

“I would never even think of hurting him,” he stated. Ben bit his lip, uncertain of if he should say the next part. 

“It’s not him I’d afraid would get hurt.” Ashton looked taken aback, surprised at his words. It wasn’t his first time hearing it though. He just didn’t understand why everyone thought their relationship would end in heartbreak. Ashton knew it was early in their relationship but he could see a forever Luke. He was falling for the boy and he hoped Luke was too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't posted in a while i've been crazy busy and have lost my inspiration for writing recently. please leave your thoughts on this story so far in the comments.


	13. I Don't Breath the Way I Used To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm supposed to be doing summer homework but instead im updating:/ comment, share, kudu. let me know what you think at the end of the chapter

_“And my eyes, they don't see_

_And I don't breathe the way I used to_

_Yeah my lips (woah), they don't sing_

_And I won't be the way I was on that night.”_

_\- Nevershoutnever (Here Goes Nothing)_

Ashton’s mom was furious when he arrived home. No furious would be an understatement. He came in the front door past noon on Saturday. His mom had been on the phone, his little siblings running around rapid. Her hair was a mess and there were bags under her eyes as if she hadn’t slept the night before. She hung up as soon as she saw her son in one piece. His little siblings ran over to him, hugging him. 

“Ashy! Your home,” his little brother said hugging him. His mom entered the room, her eyes meeting his. 

“Why don’t you guys go wait in my room and pick out a game for us to play, I’ll join you in a minute,” he told them sensing his mom wanted to talk to him alone. Once they had left the room, his mom wasted no time yelling at him. 

“Where the hell were you?” she shouted, surely loud enough for the neighbors to hear. 

“I stayed at Luke’s,” he said knowing lying would only get him in more trouble. 

“And you didn’t think to ask me if that was okay or even call to tell me?” She was pissed, she had stayed up all night worrying about her son when he had been sleeping with a boy. 

“It was late, I was planning on coming home but we ended up falling asleep,” he tried to explain. 

“Ashton Fletcher Irwin, do you think I’m a fool? I know by fall asleep you mean you two had sex. I was up all night, calling the neighbors and even the police to have them look for you while you were shacking up with some boy you’ve been dating for what a week?” she yelled, tears streaming down her tired face. 

“Would you just let me explain?” 

“No, I don’t wanna hear your excuses. You’re grounded, the only time you leave this house is for school.” Ashton groaned heading to his room. 

“I didn’t even sleep with him,” he shouted before entering his room and slamming the door. 

Luke stayed on the couch watching Netflix all day. He didn’t even notice how late it was until Calum showed up at his door asking if he was ready for the party Luke had totally forgotten about. 

“I don’t feel like going,” he told his friend. Calum looked at him incredulous. 

“You always feel like partying, c’mon you can invite Ashton,” Calum pleaded. 

“Ashton’s grounded, I don’t feel like going anyway.” 

“Have you left the house at all since the game on friday?” Luke shook his head. 

“Then the decisions made, I’m taking you with me to this party. Now go change,” Calum persisted. 

The blonde gave in, heading up to his room to change. He threw on his ripped black skinny jeans and Warped Tour shirt he got back in 2012. He did his hair up in a quiff and headed down the stairs ready to go. 

They arrived at the party at 10 o’clock. The mansion was filled with drunk, high and horny teenagers. Pop music blasted through the walls, making the floor vibrate. Luke sat over by the drinks while he watched Calum grind against some girl on the dance floor to that terrible new Cheerleader song. Usually, he would be the one on the dance floor, flirting with just about every guy and getting high and/or drunk off his ass. But he didn’t feel like doing that tonight. It didn’t feel right. Not with Ashton. 

“Luke Hemmings alone drinking by himself at a party?” a guys voice said from behind him. He turned around to see a guy from the hockey team, Owen. He had dark brown hair and green eyes with huge muscles. Him and Owen had hooked up a few times in the past. He was quite good in bed Luke had to admit. 

“Ashton isn’t here with you?” he asked as he took a seat beside him, setting his drink on the table. 

“No, he couldn’t make it,” Luke said, not even sparing him a glance. 

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Owen stated seductively as he slid his hand onto Luke’s thigh. 

“Maybe we can use that to our advantage,” he whispered in his ear as he slid his hand closer to Luke’s dick. Luke completed for a moment then moved away from Owen, getting off the stool. The offer was tempting, Owen was hot and Luke was horny but he couldn’t stop thinking about Ashton and how guilty he would feel after. 

“I can’t do this,” Luke told him avoiding eye contact. 

“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day Luke Hemmings turned down sex,” Owen stated before taking a sip of his beer. 

“Well get used to it,” he said before walking off. 

Ashton finished his essay for his Harvard application as well as Stanford and Princeton. He got up from his bed with the applications in hand, each in a envelope with an address on it. He headed outside, placing the envelopes in the mailbox. His phone vibrated with a text from Michael. 

Mickey 


	14. I Know How Much That Hurts

_“I heard that you've been_

_Having some trouble finding your place in the world._

_I know how much that hurts,_

_And if you need a friend_

_Then please just say the word…”_

_\- All Time Low (Missing You)_

Ashton arrived at school on monday early. He hadn’t spoken to Luke since saturday since his mom took his phone away. He walked over to the table him and Michael always met at in the morning before school started. Michael was sitting there with his now pink dyed hair eating a bowl of Froot Loops. Ashton slid in the seat across from him. 

“Dyed your hair again?” Ashton asked his friend. Michael nodded as he separated the Froot Loops by color. 

“You and Luke do anything after the game friday night?” 

“No, we just fell asleep cuddling.” Michael rolled his eyes at his friend. 

“Yeah, ‘cuddling’,” he said putting air quotes around the word cuddling. 

“Why the air quotes?” 

“Cause there’s no way you two didn’t fickle frackle after the game,” his friend stated as he ate the last of the Froot Loops. 

“Fickle what?” Ashton looked at him confused. 

“Have sex.” 

“Oh, god no. Not yet,” he said shaking his head. His pink haired friend looked at him baffled. 

“But he’s hot and you’re hot so why not? I know I would if I was gay,” Michael stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Cause we haven’t been dating that long.” 

“So, usually Luke has sex before he even goes on the first date.” 

“It’s different with us though.” But Ashton couldn’t help but think about how Luke had had sex with just about every gay guy in the school. He couldn’t help but wonder if Luke wanted more from him, expecting more. But he wasn’t ready yet. He wanted his first time to be special and romantic with someone he loved, he probably sounded like a girl saying that but to him sex was more than just sex. It was showing love and trusting someone completely with your heart. 

Luke didn’t see Ashton until lunch. He took a seat beside his boyfriend, kissing his cheek. 

“I missed you,” he admitted to the hazel eyed boy. Their foreheads were resting against each other. The two staring into each others eyes. 

“I missed you too.” Ashton closed the space between them, kissing his boyfriend’s lips. It was a short and simple kiss but no less special. Luke suddenly stood up, smirking at the hazel eyed boy. 

“Come with me, I have a surprise for you,” he said as he reached his hand out for Ashton to take. 

“He’s probably talking about his dick,” Michael chuckled to Calum who busted out laughing causing the couple to blush. 

“It’s not that, I promise,” Luke told him as he hesitantly took his hand. He led him out of the cafeteria, to his brand new black Range Rover. 

“This a new car?” Ashton asked as Luke held the passenger door open for him. 

“Yeah, Ben took me to the dealership yesterday to get a new car,” he explained getting in the driver seat. 

“What was wrong with your old one?” Ashton asked. He had the same car since his 16th birthday when his mom surprised him with his green Patriot Jeep. And he wasn’t expecting to get a new car anytime soon. His mom told him he had to pay for his next car so he would likely have it until it broke down. 

“Nothing, Ben just felt bad with the whole me losing the game and got me a car.” Luke shrugged as if money wasn’t a issue. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, how do you have so much money?” They had now pulled out of the parking lot and were on the road. The radio was on low playing some stupid pop song. Luke glanced Ashton’s way. 

“My brother works full time and my parents were rich so we got their money when they died,” he explained. Ashton noticed Luke flinch when he spoke of his parents. 

“Luke, what happened to your parents?” he asked cautiously. Luke pulled into a park. 

“They died,” the blonde said in a harsh voice causing Ashton to be taken aback. 

“I’m sorry, I just don’t like to talk about them,” he apologized. 

“It’s fine. When you’re ready to tell me, I’m here,” Ashton told him, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek. 

“You’re the best, you know that right?” Luke commented wrapping his arm around his shoulders. 

“Yeah.” The two got out of the car. Luke went to the back to grab a blanket and a picnic basket. He took Ashton’s hand and led him up a deserted hill that overlooked the playground and water. They went to the very top of the hill, where Luke laid out the blanket and sat down, pulling Ashton into his lap. 

“My parents used to take me and my brothers here when I was younger. It was kinda our tradition, we’d go out to the park every friday and have lunch here in this very spot. I still come here a lot and sometimes, I swear it’s like they’re here with me.” Ashton leaned his back against Luke, staring up at the boy watching as his eyes lit up when talking about his parents. 

“What were they like, your parents?” he asked. Luke smiled as distance memories of his childhood came through his head. 

“My dad, he was in the NHL back when he was in his 20s. It was kinda our thing, hockey. He loved the sport but when he got my mom knocked up with Ben he had to quit. He had already made enough money by then to live off of so he basically retired at the age of 25. My mom was a lawyer, she worked a lot but tried her best to spend as much time with us as possible. She was the person I came to when I was feeling down and she always made me feel better.” Luke’s arms were around Ashton’s waist who had started digging into the food in the picnic basket. 

“What about your brothers, what were they like?” Ashton asked, curious about his boyfriend’s childhood. 

“They were both very protective of me. Ben was the oldest, he always took care of us when my parents couldn’t. He always looked out for Jack and I, making sure we were okay and let us cry on his shoulder when we needed to. He was and still is my best friend. I can come to him about anything. He was there for me when they died and became sort of like a dad to me. He was very accepting when I came out to him last year, he read all these books about gay couples like Dream Boy and Holding the Man and made me watch Shameless with him. He’s been my rock since I lost my parents.” Ashton didn’t say a word, just listened intently to his boyfriend, letting him babble on. Luke hesitated and took a deep breath before going on. His boyfriend gave his hand a squeeze to show his support. 

“Jack on the other hand was always a bit distant from Ben and I. He was close with my parents but not so much us. He had a lot of troubles growing up. He struggled with anxiety and bipolar disorder. My parents got him the best therapist in the state and put him on meds. They worried about him, we all did. He didn’t have many friends growing up, Ben was mister popular and so was I while Jack was the freak everyone steered clear of. My mom was the only one who fully understood him and who he could open up to. They had a really special connection kind of like Ben and I.” Tears were filling the brim of Luke’s eyes causing Ashton’s heart to break. He hated seeing Luke so sad and broken. It felt like someone was stabbing his heart whenever he saw him cry. He reached out, brushing away the tears. 

“When my parents died, Jack was a mess. We all were but he completely and utterly broken. Ben really tried to reach out to him, be there for him my mom was. I did to but he would always push us away. Ben was doing his best to raise both Jack and I at the age of 18. He worked two jobs to try and pay for Jack’s meds and therapist sessions, all the money in my parents will went to us which helped a lot. But when my parents died, a part of Jack died with them. He was just so lost without my mom. He stopped taking his meds and stopped showing up to his therapist appointments. On the year anniversary of my parents death, he shot himself right where my parents grave is.” Tears cascaded down Luke’s face as he began to sob frantically. Ashton repositioned himself so Luke was in his lap and pulled him to his chest, letting him soak his shirt. There was no words he could say to make things alright, all he could do was be there for the blue eyed boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you guys finally get some more insight into Luke's background. I want to make this clear since there seems to be some confusion and speculation, luke's or ashton's parents are/were not abusive to either of them. Ashton's mom may be harsh on him but she is not abusive. as the story goes on you will learn more and more about luke's background. he has quite a story to him, i dont know why i always make luke have a dead sibling. i outlined the rest of the book so i should be posting more often however school just started up and ive been crazy busy with homework and equestrian team so i will try to update as much as possible.  
> comment, kudos, follow.


	15. Wouldn't Have it Any Other Way

_“Here's to the nights that we live together_

_Here's to the nights we feel alive_

_Here's to the times that we spend together_

_and stick right by each others sides_

_Here's to the times that will last forever_

_Wouldn't have it any other way.”_

_Boy Meets World (Right Where We Belong)_

Ashton made sure his door was locked and snook out his bedroom window. He was still grounded but Michael, Calum, Luke and him were going to a bowling alley. He silently made his way to Luke’s Range Rover and kicked Calum out of shotgun. 

“Y'know I’ve known him since he was a fetus so I should get to sit shotgun,” Calum stated as he pouted taking a seat next to Michael in the back. 

“And I’m his boyfriend who gives him blowjobs on a daily,” Ashton smirked causing Luke to laugh when Calum stuck up his nose in complete disgust. 

“Let’s go before my mom catches me.” With that Luke backed out of the driveway without even looking almost hitting Ashton’s mailbox. 

“You’re such a terrible driver!” 

“I know,” Luke said shrugging his shoulders. 

“Luke, how did you ever passed your driver’s test?” Michael asked. They were now on the road and the blonde was going 70 on a 45 mph zone. Ashton sat in the passenger seat messing around with the radio while eavesdropping. 

“You don’t wanna know,” Calum chuckled as he looked out his window. Ashton glanced up at Luke, raising an eyebrow. 

“I may have given the instructor a blowjob or two to get him to pass me,” Luke admitted causing Michael to laugh and Calum to shudder. Ashton just shook his head, trying not to think about how many guys Luke has slept with. They pulled into the parking lot, Luke not even trying to park his car and leaving it in between two parking spots. They all got out of the car heading towards the building. It had recently been redone, with a fresh coat of paint and strobe lights put in. Luke walked beside Ashton locking their hands together. 

“Babe,” Luke stopped walking, making Ashton face him. He was strangely quiet tonight. 

“You okay?” he asked placing a hand on his face. He nodded. 

“Yeah, I’m just worried about getting caught.” Luke sighed looking into Ashton’s big hazel eyes that were hidden behind his glasses. 

“It’ll be fine. She’s going to have to learn to let you go eventually,” Luke told him. 

“I know, I just feel bad.” 

“Well don’t, cause we’re going to have a fucking awesome time tonight.” Ashton nodded as Luke leaned down to kiss him, wrapping his arms around his waist. It was one of those kisses that took the breath right out from under you, that made everything and everyone around you disappear, that left your lips tingling even after it was long over. 

They entered the bowling alley to see it was mostly empty except for a few teenagers who looked like they were barely teens who stuffed their bras and pants. Some Ariana Grande song blared in the background as they walked over to get their shoes. After that they went over to the lanes typing in their names. They played a few games which Calum won each time, Ashton only getting 20 points total at the end of each game. 

“I’ve never seen a person be so bad at bowling in my life,” Luke chuckled as they took a seat at a table to eat pizza. 

“It’s because you guys wouldn’t let me play with bumpers,” Ashton pouted as he sat on Luke’s lap wrapping his arm around the boy’s neck. 

“Only babies use those, Ash,” Michael stated as he and Calum took a seat trying to ignore the fact that Ashton was sitting in Luke’s lap in a very sexual position. 

“But I’m Luke’s baby.” Michael and Calum gagged in disgust while Luke’s face grew bright pink. 

“Please don’t tell me you have a daddy kink,” Michael chuckled causing his friend to shake his head. 

“No, that’s nasty.” The four boys laughed as their pizza was placed in front of them. 

“So Michael are you doing anything special for your birthday next week?” Calum asked as the boys began digging into their pizza, Luke finishing two slices in a second. 

“No, not really. I’m probably just going to have a few friends over and play video games.” That’s when Ashton came up for the idea to throw Michael a surprise party. After they finished eating, they headed out to Luke’s car dropping Michael and Calum off first. When they were down the street from Ashton’s house, he turned to Luke. 

“I don’t wanna go home yet, can we just stay here for a while just the two of us?” Ashton asked as he unbuckled his seat and crossed into Luke’s seat, positioning himself in his lap. 

“And do what?” he asked raising his eyebrows at the boy. There faces were only inches apart, Luke’s blue eyes reading into Ashton’s hazel ones. 

“This,” he whispered as he eliminated the space between them, crashing their lips together with full force, his tongue playing with Luke’s lip ring asking for entrance which he immediately granted. Ashton’s tongue slipped into the boy’s mouth, their hands wandering each other, Luke’s sliding down Ashton’s back, dangerously close to his bum, while Ashton’s were all over Luke’s chest, feeling his six pack and twisting his nipples making the blonde boy moan out his name with ecstasy. Ashton parted his lips from Luke’s moving them to his chest, pulling up his shirt so he had easy access. He kissed every inch of skin on his chest, running his tongue over the boy’s body, lathering him with kisses. Luke was doing everything he possibly could to hold back moans, his cock growing hard in his jeans. Ashton began sucking on a spot on his chest that was high enough for everyone to notice when he was finished, making sure to leave a mark on the boy so people would know he was taken. 

“God, ash, are you sure you’re a virgin,” Luke moaned out in pleasure. Once Ashton was satisfied with the hickey he had made on his boyfriend he went back up to his lips connecting them with tongues and all. Luke had kissed lots of boys and even a few girls in his short life but none of them had made him feel like this, like the wind was knocked out from under him and he was breathless, like he was in heaven. Ashton on the other hand hadn’t had many kisses in his life but he knew this one was special by the way he felt his whole body tingling with each kiss by the way he was able to completely forgot about the world around him and that he was in a car two houses away from his own. Suddenly there was a knock on the car window, startling the boys both sitting up to see who it was. Outside the window stood Ashton’s younger sister, Lauren. Ashton quickly straightened himself out, fixing his hair and opened the window. Lauren leaned in looking a little scared. 

“Where have you been? Mom hasn’t noticed you’ve been gone yet but she’s about to when she sees there’s no one in your room.” Ashton groaned hopping off Luke and opening the car door. 

“Shit, I’ll be right there. Can you stall her for me please?” he asked his sister. She was 15 years old with curly sandy blonde hair just like her brother’s. 

“I will for $20,” she stated holding out her hand causing her brother roll his eyes and hesitantly hand her a 20. 

“Alright, I’ll go stall her but be quick. And you should totally ditch Ashton from me, I can give you a lot more than he can,” she said walking off causing Luke to laugh. 

“I can’t believe she said that, ugh I gotta go,” Ashton said as he began to walk off. 

“Wait!” Luke called out causing him to turn around. 

“You’re just going to leave me here like this?” he asked motioning to his still evident hard on. 

“I’ll make it up to you at Michael’s party,” Ashton promised as he continued to walk backwards towards his house. 

“You better.”


	16. When You Put Your Arms Around Me, The Whole World Feels Alright

_“We made love tonight as the result of a fight._

_When you put your arms around me the whole world’s alright._

_And a day’s worth of bitching goes down the drain_

_when you lay in my bed and pick my brain.”_

_\- Man Overboard (Love Your Friends, Die Laughing)_

“What time is Michael going to be here?” Calum asked as he set the pizzas down in Luke’s kitchen. Ashton had arranged a surprise party for Michael, he asked Luke if it could be at his house since his is so big. He had invited everyone in the school to make sure Michael lived out his dream of being able to experience high school. He even managed to buy a keg of beer and get a DJ. He wanted to make sure Michael had the best 18th birthday ever. 

“I told him to meet us here at 9.” Calum nodded grabbing the paper plates and setting them beside the ten boxes of pizza. It was 8:55 and no one besides Luke and Calum had arrived yet. He was starting worry no one would show up. 

“Don’t worry, they’re coming Ash. I tweeted it to my 10,000 followers,” Luke stated as he finished hanging a streamer and walked over to his boyfriend. 

“I just want it to be perfect,” he explained. 

“It will,” Luke said just as the doorbell rang. The three raced to the doorway to see a line of people waiting to come inside that went all the way down the street. Ashton’s mouth gaped open at the line of people, he had hoped people would show up but didn’t think anybody would, him and Michael were nobodies. But then again it was a party and nobody cared whose party it was. They let them in telling them to hide since Michael would be there any minute. Once he had gotten everyone inside they turned off the lights and waited for Michael to arrive which was only minutes later. When he opened the door, everyone shouted surprise, Calum turning on the lights. A smile broke out onto Michael’s face when he saw all the people that were there for his party. Michael made his way over to Ashton giving him a big hug. 

“You did this all for me?” he asked his friend. Ashton nodded smiling at him. 

“I don’t know what to say, thank you.” 

“It isn’t that big a deal. Now go off and enjoy your party. There's lots of cute girls here for you to have your first kiss with,” Ashton said with a smile as Michael ran off to the dance floor.The DJ was playing rock/punk songs from the 2000’s which was Michael’s favorite music. Ashton watched as his friend went up to two blonde girls and asked them to dance. Soon they were dancing very close and grinding all over each other. A slow song suddenly came on. 

“May I have this dance?” a voice asked from behind him. He turned around to see Luke. He wore his usual black skinny jeans and band tee with his lip ring but tonight his eyes seemed to sparkle in the light of the disco ball. Ashton blushed as he took his boyfriend’s hand, letting him lead him to the dance floor. Luke rested his arms around his waist while Ashton’s were around his neck. They swayed back and forth to the beat of the music, Luke humming the song into Ashton’s ear. 

“Did you ever slow dance with your previous boyfriends?” Ashton suddenly asked curious. The blonde looked up taken aback by the question. 

“No, I didn’t,” he answered honestly. His boyfriend took a step back, looking into his blue eyes. 

“What makes me different from them? Why did you never take them on any dates or slow dancing?” Ashton questioned biting down on his lip as he looked at the other couples on the dance floor, wondering how many of them had slept with Luke. 

“What’s with all the sudden questions?” he asked avoiding the topic looking nervous. 

“Luke, just answer the question.” Luke sighed looking Ashton right in the eye. 

“The difference is I never felt anything with them. With all those guys it was just a one night stand to take away the pain but with you, I-I feel something when I’m with you. And it’s going to make me sound like a girl but I feel sparks when we kiss. And I’ve grown to really care and like you.” Ashton smiled wide at his boyfriend, crashing their lips together. Their lips molded as one, sparks flying in between them. 

“Let’s go to your room,” Ashton whispered. The blonde pulled back surprised but nevertheless followed him to his room. As soon as the door was shut behind them, Ashton’s lips went to Luke’s. Ashton had never felt lust before in his life but here he was with lust filled eyes, kissing Luke like a madman. Their hands wandered each other's bodies, their tongues fighting for dominance in their mouths, moans leaving their lips, their pants tightening with each passing second. Ashton moved his lips from Luke’s to his neck slowly moving his lips across every inch of skin on his boyfriend. The blonde felt as though his body was on fire, with every kiss he felt a tingling sensation fill him. Ashton pulled Luke’s shirt off, lathering his chest with kisses, making his way down to Luke’s V-line. He stopped at the waistband of his jeans, unbuttoning them and throwing them to the side. 

“Ash,” the boy called out to him making his boyfriend look into his blue eyes that glimmered like the ocean. 

“Wh-what?” he asked confused. 

“A-are you sure you want to do this?” Luke questioned not wanting Ashton to regret his action in the morning. He just nodded and continued on his way, kissing Luke’s thighs making him moan out in pleasure. 

“Let’s get these off of you,” he said referring to his boxers. Luke only nodded his head eagerly. Ashton proceeded in sliding his boxers off. Luke was rock hard as Ashton put a hand around him beginning to pump him. He buckled his hips underneath him and told him to go faster which he did. He moved his hand from him making him groan at the loss of contact. He took him into his mouth in one go slowly bobbing his head up and down. Luke moaned out in elation, his hands tangling themselves in Ash’s hair. He had given and received a lot of blow jobs throughout his life but this one was different. He truly felt himself enjoying it and not just a way to get things off his mind, he actually had feelings and cared about the boy who was giving it to him and he couldn’t stop worrying about possibly hurting him. Ashton now had as much as him in his mouth as he could take and fastened his movement. 

“Ashhh,” luke moaned throwing his head back as he could feel himself getting close. Only seconds later, he came into his mouth causing the boy to shallow the come. He pulled off him with a pop sound and went up to his lips, kissing them. Luke could taste himself when they kissed and it was gross yet at the same time kind of hot. He pulled back, resting his head on Luke’s chest, them both panting hard breathing in and out. 

“You sure that was your first blowjob?” Luke joked. 

“I may have watched a few pornos,” Ashton stated blushing as he took in the scent of his boyfriend. He had a musky fall smell to him which was strange because Australia didn’t really have a fall. He loved how he smelled though, he would bathe in it if he could. 

“Well, keep on doing what you’re doing ‘cause that was great.” Luke paused for a second, putting his thumb on Ashton’s chin to make their eyes meet. He had captivating eyes that changed like the moon, one day they would be a sparkling brown that shined in the sunlight and the next they’d be a glimmering green that lit up in the night sky. Luke could look into those eyes all day. 

“You’re great, not just for the blowjob but for everything. You mean a lot to me, Ash.” He smiled up at him placing a soft, simple kiss on his lips.


	17. The Innocent Can Never Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> google botany bay national park to give yourself a visual for second half of chapter. some more insight into luke's past.

_“As my memory rests_

_But never forgets what I lost_

_Wake me up when September ends_

_Summer has come and passed_

_The innocent can never last_

_Wake me up when September ends.”_

_-Green Day_

“I didn’t get to talk to you much at your party, how was it?” Ashton asked Michael as he took a seat beside him handing him a Pepsi. It was a few days after Michael’s party and they were hanging out in Ash’s basement playing video games. 

“Good, really good,” he said trying to hold back a smile. 

“Did Michael meet a girl?” Ash asked poking his friend’s cheek only causing him to blush. 

“Sort of,” Michael told him trying to avoid eye contact. 

“What do you mean sort of?” he raised an eyebrow looking at him suspiciously. 

“I may or may not have had sex with someone.” Ashton looked at him with wide hazel eyes shocked. 

“Well, that makes two of us. On the count of three lets both says who it was,” he suggested. 

“But that’s not fair, I already know who you did it with,” Michael groaned making Ash raise an eyebrow and mumble a fine before he counted to three. 

“Luke.” 

“Calum.” Ashton pulled back looking at his friend with huge eyes. 

“Wait what? You and Calum had sex?” He looked at him confused, he didn’t think Michael was gay. He always hit on girls and never mentioned liking guys when Ash came out to him. His green haired friend just nodded covering his face with his hands as he let out a deep sigh. 

“H-how?” Michael moved his hands from his face and looked into the distance. 

“We were both really drunk and it just sort of happened,” he admitted looking ashamed. 

“Did you guys go all the way? Me and Luke just gave bjs. His dick is huge by the way,” Ashton asked causing his friend to chuckle. 

“Yeah we did.” 

“Wait, who topped and who bottomed? You look like a bottom to me,” he went on making Michael send him a glare. 

“What? The world wants to know,” Ashton exclaimed. 

“Calum topped.” 

“Did you like it?” Michael bit his lip like he was deciding if he did or not. 

“Would it make me gay if I said yes?” he asked looking nervous. 

“No, you could be bi or even pan. And what’s so wrong with being gay?” 

“Nothing, I just didn’t think I went that way. Can we not talk about this? I’m not even sure if Calum remembers what we did or how I feel about it?” 

Ashton nodded sending his friend a sympathetic glance. 

“Okay but if you ever want to talk to me about it or need tips on how to give a good blowjob I’m right here,” he said causing Michael to face palm. 

“So how did the blowjob go?” Michael asked knowing Ashton would talk about it anyway. 

“So glad you asked.” 

* * * 

“Luke, it’s time to get up!” his brother yelled at him making him groan as he sat up in his bed. 

“But, why? I don’t have school today,” Luke stated looking annoyed with his brother who seemed to be wide awake and dressed at 2pm while the blonde wanted to be sleeping. 

“We’re going out,” Ben stated ripping the sheets away from his brother. 

“To where? Church? I’ve sinned way too much to go to that place,” Luke mumbled his eyes still closed making Ben chuckle. 

“No, you’ll see. Now get dressed. Don’t make me pour a bucket of ice water on you like dad used to.” With that Luke shot out of bed and got ready. He came downstairs to be met with the smell of chocolate chip pancakes. He took a seat at one of the island stools and grabbed a plate with three pancakes. 

“So, where are we going?” he asked his brother who finished making the pancakes and took a seat across from him. 

“You’ll see.” With that Ben grabbed his car keys and they headed out the door. The car was mostly quiet as Ben drove them except for the sound of the radio which was playing Greenday. They had been driving for a while and were getting away from town. Luke could've sworn he knew where they were going but couldn’t place his finger on it. 

“It’s been awhile since we’ve hung out just the two of us, hasn’t it?” Ben said as he glanced over at his younger brother. Luke reminded him of a younger version of his dad, he looked just like him with his honey blonde hair, long legs and blue eyes. Ben looked more like his mom with his short legs and dirty blonde hair that was more wavy than straight like Luke’s. Every time Ben looked into his brother’s eyes, he couldn’t help but to think of his dad. Sometimes, it hurt him to look at his brother because of the resemblance. He missed him dearly, his mom too but he had to stay strong for Luke, he was the only family he had left. 

“Where the hell are we going?” Luke asked breaking the silence. Ben turned towards him keeping one hand on the wheel. 

“You don’t recognize this?” he asked, his smile faltering. His brother turned to really look around him. They had turned down a thin rocky road. All around them was water that shined in the sunlight. Luke sat up in his seat, seeing the scenery around them. The road was ending and there was a small wooden bridge which led to a cliff that overlooked the ocean with grass and trees surrounding it. Luke tried to think back to where he remembered this place from. He could hear laughing in the distance and was taken back to when he was 14. 

Luke stood with his family overlooking the ocean. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” his mother asked as she watched the whales just come within sight. 

“Yeah, sure. Can we go now?” Luke asked. He wanted to get home to his friends. 

“Hold on a second hun,” his mom said making him sigh. His dad came up beside him. 

“You know what will really make this fun?” his dad asked. 

“What?” 

“Swimming with the whales,” he exclaimed as he picked his son up throwing over his shoulder causing him to laugh and pretended he was going to throw him in. Luke smiled wide laughing as he told his dad to put him down which he did. That was the last time he got to see his dad’s beautiful smile. 

“Luke? You okay?” Ben asked bringing him back to the present. Luke hadn’t even noticed that he had started to cry, tears streaming down his face. He only nodded and the two got out of the car walking up the cliff to where they stood 3 years ago, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Everything was so different, so much happier and simpler. They both still had their innocence and didn’t know the heart wrenching pain of loss. 

“This was the last place we were together as a family,” Ben said as he stared out into the distance as if his parents were out there watching over them and maybe they were. 

“You remember that?” he asked looking over to Luke who looked like his heart had been shattered into pieces and he was doing everything possible not to break down. 

“This is where we spread their ashes on the one year anniversary. The last time we saw Jack was here.” Luke sank down to the sand at the exact spot him and his dad stood years ago, the spot him and Jack stood the day he died. Ben watched as his brother break apart at the seams right in front of him, breaking out in sobs and muffled screams. He sank down too, putting an arm around him, letting him soak his shirt with tears. 

“Why did you bring me here?” he asked as he looked into Ben’s eyes. He too was forming tears in his eyes. 

“‘Cause you can’t move on until you let all the pain in. I know it’s hard cause it’s just so much to take in. I haven’t either but we need to or we’ll never get over what happened.” He paused before going on, he was now sobbing too. 

“What happened was a tragedy, and we’ll never forget it or the memories we shared with them. But we can’t let what happened stop us from moving on with our lives, and this doesn’t mean that we’ll forget about them or stop missing them, that’s never going to happen. We will always carry a heavy weight in our hearts but we can’t let that stop us from being happy again. It’s okay to be happy and smile and fall in love. They would want us to, they wouldn’t want us to sit here and sulk in their death. They would want us to go about our lives and cherish every moment we have ‘cause life is too short and we shouldn’t waste a second of it.” Ben pulled his brother into a hug, both of them sobbing as they finally lifted some of the heavy weights off their chests.


	18. There's Something Left For Me and You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont hate me

_“Sad eyes follow me_

_But I still believe there's something left for me_

_So please come stay with me_

_'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me_

_For you and me.”_

_Creed (One Last Breath)_

Luke entered the locker room beside Calum. It was their last game before winter break. He went over to his locker taking his time getting ready for the game knowing it would be the last game he would play this year. So much had changed in a year come to think of it, last year at their last game, Luke was sleeping around with a different guy every night, got high on a regular basis and was never really happy. The only thing that didn’t change was his love for hockey. It had always been his one constant through all the craziness in his life, it was what kept him living after his parents’ accident. It was how him and his dad bonded, it was how he remembered his dad even now that he was gone. 

“You ready?” Calum asked him. Luke broke out of his trance and stood up going out into the stadium. The stands were filled with students and their families but all Luke could focus on was a hazel eyed boy with curly dirty blonde locks and glasses, Ashton. He smiled at the boy, sending him a wink before starting the game. 

Ashton stood in the stands of the school’s hockey arena. Michael stood beside him staying quiet as he cheered louder than the cheerleaders for Luke. 

“Ash, quiet down, the whole school can hear you,” his friend scolded him as he kept his eyes on Calum to see if he would notice him. 

“That’s the point. Are you going to talk to Calum tonight?” Michael glanced up at him slowly nodding his head knowing he had to. It had been a week since the party and he hadn’t stopped thinking of that night and what it meant. Ashton patted him on the back as Luke scored the winning goal ending the game causing the stadium to go wild. Ashton watched as his boyfriend lit up, smiling from ear to ear. His sea blue eyes glistened in the light of the stadium, a content expression on his face. It was then that Ashton realized just how deep he was. Seeing the blonde like that made him comprehend that he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with him. Before Luke, he didn’t even think about having a relationship or falling in love or having sex, but now everything had changed and he was surprisingly okay with that. Ashton wanted so badly to run onto the ice and embrace him with a hug. But he was too afraid he would slip on the ice so once Luke entered from the locker rooms, he ran into his arms, kissing him hard. It felt like something straight out of a romance movie or CW show. It all seemed too good to be true. 

After the game, the four boys went to a party one of the guys on the team threw. It was like any other high school party with a ton of drugs, alcohol, teenagers and terrible pop music. Luke and Ashton stayed away from the alcohol and drugs, going over to the dance floor where they grinded their bodies against each other, smiles from ear to ear. Even though there was music pounding through the floor and sweaty teenagers everywhere, all they could focus on was each other. Everything else fell away when they were together. 

Michael watched Calum from across the room. He was smiling and talking to some cheerleader. He had had maybe one or two drinks that night and with sudden bravado he went up to the black haired boy. 

“Cal, can we talk?” he asked as he stepped in between the two, blocking the girl. She was very pretty with long straight brown hair and green eyes. Calum nodded mumbling something to the girl and went over to Michael. The two went to a empty bedroom so they could hear each other. 

“What’s up?” Calum asked like nothing had happened between them at Michael’s birthday party. 

“Do you remember what we did at my party?” he asked cautiously, studying the boy’s gaze. 

“No. What are you talking about?” But the way he looked at him like Michael were a lion and he were a mouse, gave it away that he did know what happened. This infuriated him. 

“You know damn well what I’m talking about.” His eyes glared hard at him as if they were trying to break him. Calum shook his head with a fake confused expression. Michael just wanted to take him back in time and make him see what happened. He couldn’t understand why Calum was lying and acting like he didn’t remember. But what he didn’t understand was that he truly did not remember. Every time Calum thought back to that night, it was all a hazy blur. He couldn’t remember a single thing. He wanted to but couldn’t bring himself to picture what happened that night. Michael looked at him with angry, hurt eyes. 

“I know you remember, just admit it,” he nearly shouted, tears threatening to escape his eyes. 

“But I don’t remember, Michael. I wish I did but I don’t.” 

“How could you not remember? I remember every fuckin’ moment of that night and I’m willing to admit that it meant something to me.” Michael felt as if he was talking to a wall, no matter what he said, he would never get the response he wanted. Tears brimmed his green eyes that he wouldn’t dare let fall. 

“Remember what?” he asked still clueless, thinking maybe they got into a fight or something like that. 

“We had sex,” Michael shouted in a loud yet small voice. Calum looked at him incredulous, a laugh sneaking out causing the other boy’s heart to shatter. 

“You’re joking right?” he asked. The green eyed boy just shook his head causing Calum’s expression to suddenly turn from humorous to regretful. 

“Oh, I’m sorry but I’m 100% straight.” Michael tried to hold back the tears and remain strong on the outside. 

“Y-yeah, just forget this ever happened. I’m going to go now.” With that, Michael left the room, running to the nearest bathroom only to find a long line, so he wound up outside on the porch. It was raining so no one was there, he could still hear the sounds of happiness and carelessness from inside but tried to block it out. He broke out into sobs as last week played through his head. How special and valuable he felt kissing Calum, like he actually deserved someone to love and find happiness. But who was he kidding, Calum was the popular straight hockey player and he was just the fat ugly loser who had lost his virginity to a guy who couldn’t care less. He fell to his knees letting the rain soak his skin along with his tears. He looked over his shoulder seeing Ashton and Luke slow dancing with smiles on their faces and happiness in their eyes. He needed his best friend but at the same time, he couldn’t bare to take him away from Luke. He deserved to be happy. Michael on the other hand, didn’t think he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt even plan for this to happen, i just saw everyone getting asked to homecoming and i still have no one so this happened. sorry for not posting in a while, i've had writers block. let me know what you think of the chapter:)


	19. Wouldn't That Be Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, I'm way ahead of schedule and wasn't supposed to post this chapter until December but somehow i miscalculated how many chapters ahead I was so here's a Christmas chapter on Halloween.

_“If I traded it all_

_If I gave it all away for one thing_

_Just for one thing_

_If I sorted it out_

_If I knew all about this one thing_

_Wouldn’t that be something.”_

_\- Finger Eleven (One Thing)_

Ashton knocked on the door to Michael’s house. He hadn’t seen him since the hockey game on friday. It was now tuesday and he hadn’t heard a word from the boy which was extremely unusual. He would normally text him every single day or randomly show up at his house. He hadn’t even rode home with Ashton from the party. The door opened to reveal a very tired looking Michael with his hair all over the place, bags under his eyes and loose sweatpants with an old shirt that was probably from when he was 15. To say he looked terrible would be an understatement. Usually, Michael was full of jokes and smiles, however today he was far from that with his tear stained cheeks and sad green eyes. Ashton went to ask him what was wrong but was interrupted when his friend pulled him into an embrace, hugging him like it would be his last time. He buried his face in Ash’s shoulder, letting himself come apart at the seams, sobbing into his best friend’s shoulder. He was shocked but nevertheless, stroked Michael’s back with a soothing voice telling him everything would be okay. He had known Michael since they could barely walk, and not once had he seen him like this, so broken, and so devastated. When the two pulled back, Ashton really looked at Michael, really studying every inch of pain on his face. He almost looked unrecognizable with the tremendous amount of hurt laced in his eyes. 

“What happened?” he managed to ask, his voice husky and scared. Rain began to fall around them, wetting Ashton’s clothes and hair. Michael stepped back to let him in. He walked right on in, sitting on the couch. His friend looked hesitant to tell him as if he would shatter if he uttered the sad words. 

“Mike, you can tell me anything.” Michael took a seat on the couch beside his friend. 

“I talked to Calum at the party.” Ash nodded for him to go on. It seemed difficult for him to say the next part as he gulped back sobs, not wanting to break down again but knowing it was inevitable. 

“He didn’t remember, Ash. He doesn’t remember a single thing. I lost my virginity to a complete stranger who doesn’t care about me,” he told him, trying his best not to cry. 

“Calum does care about you, he’s your friend,” Ashton tried to comfort him. 

“He laughed when I said we had sex.” The hazel eyed boy’s heart broke for his friend. He knew Michael had wanted his first time to be special with someone he loved and loved him back. 

“Maybe I don’t deserve to find happiness,” he said finally letting the tears fall. Ashton shook his head, moving closer to his friend. 

“Don’t say that. You’re one of the best people I know. You deserve to find happiness way more than anybody else I know.” 

“Then, why haven’t I found it? Why am I 18 and still haven’t had my first love?” Ashton didn’t know what to say to that so he pulled him into a hug, resting his chin on top of his head. 

Luke looked around his undecorated living room, remembering when they used to celebrate Christmas, putting up the christmas tree and hanging ornaments while listening to christmas music. The joy that thrilled him christmas morning, the smell of his mother baking the ham and pumpkin bread, the sound of bells jingling that he thought to be Santa Claus, the taste of the sugar cookies he made for the white bearded man, the happiness that filled him when his entire family got together at his house to have dinner on Christmas Eve, were all just things of the past now, remnants of what used to be, of the once happy family. After his parents accident, the brothers had decided to not celebrate the holiday. It wasn’t the same without your loved ones to share it with. Sure, Luke missed the cookies and presents but it didn’t feel right to celebrate the holiday without them. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, bringing him back to the present. He went over to the door, opening it to reveal Ashton who wore a sweater with a reindeer on it and looked utterly adorable. Luke just wanted to hug him and fuck him right there. 

“Hey, babe. What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be celebrating the holiday with your family?” he asked his boyfriend. Ashton smiled a sly smile. 

“I was talking with my mom and was wondering if you and your brother wanted to come over for dinner and celebrate the holiday with us,” he offered with sweet innocent hazel eyes that brought joy to Luke’s eyes. 

“That’d be great. When would it be?” 

“Six, and bring your sleeping bag, we’re having a sleepover,” Ashton said excitedly. The blonde smiled, pecking his boyfriend’s lips. 

“Okay, I’ll be there.” 

Ashton finished setting the table, sitting down on the couch in the family room. A large christmas tree stood in the middle of the room surrounded with presents, and ornaments hanging from it. His little brother entered the room smiling. He looked like a mini Ashton with his curly hair and sweater. He couldn’t wait to have kids of his own, spoiling them with lots of presents and love, giving them advice and being their shoulder to cry on, making them lunch each day for school, and getting them everything they could ever want. And he could imagine Luke standing beside him when that day came. 

Luke stood in front of Ashton’s house, fidgeting with the collar of his button down shirt Ben had made him wear. He was nervous, he hadn’t celebrated Christmas in years and it had been a long time since he had seen Ashton’s mom. He was always afraid she would think he wasn’t good enough for her son. 

“Are you going to knock or not?” Ben asked from beside him. Luke took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A girl with curly blonde hair who he recognized to be Lauren answered the door. She wore a red skirt with a navy sweater. 

“Hey luke,” she said with a smile. He nervously smiled at her, she stepped aside so they could walk into the house. Luke spotted his boyfriend in the family room with his little brother on his lap, reading him a story. Ashton raised his head, seeing the blonde boy, smiling. Luke made his way over to him, sitting beside him. 

“Who are you?” the little boy asked, he looked to be eight. He had curly hair just like Ashton’s but a shade lighter and wore a Santa sweater. His brother turned to him smiling fondly. 

“Harry, this is my boyfriend, Luke,” he told him. Harry looked back and forth between the two boys, confusion displayed on his young face. 

“Boyfriend?” he looked to Luke confused. The boy was only eight years young and had yet to learn about sexuality, to him boys were supposed to have girlfriends. The thought of boys having boyfriends sounded foreign to the boy. Lauren was 14 and was given that talk a year ago, her brother having to explain his sexuality to her when he came out. 

“Yes, boyfriend,” Ashton said getting eye level with his brother. 

“But I thought boys were supposed to have girlfriends?” he asked with bewilderment. Luke watched silently, realizing one day he would have to explain to his kids why they didn’t have a mom, why some people called them fags, why they weren’t able to have a birth child, why their love was the same as anyone else's. 

“Sometimes, people aren’t always attracted to the opposite sex and date someone of the same gender.” 

“Why?” his brother wondered with curious eyes. It was at that moment Luke had a revelation, he would never have a normal life if he were to marry a man, there would always be people who would call him a sinner or fag, and times when he had to explain to his child, friends, boss that he was no different from anyone else. That scared him, scared the living shit out of him. All he ever wanted his entire life was to be normal. But if being normal meant he wasn’t happy was it worth it? 

Ashton didn’t really have an answer to his brother’s question. There was no explanation to why people feel the way they feel. 

“It’s time for dinner,” his mom called saving him. Ashton quickly jumped up leading his brother to the table. Luke just stood still watching his boyfriend go to the dinner table in awe, he admired everything about him in that moment. How he was so comfortable in his own skin, how he wasn’t afraid of the future or love, how content and happy he was all the time, how he always looked at the good in things instead of focusing on the bad like Luke, how he didn’t let anything or anyone tear him down. He was strong and beautiful and Luke admired that about him. He wish he could be more optimistic like Ashton but his past experiences had taught him otherwise. 

“Luke, you coming to dinner?” Ash called to him, interrupting him from his thoughts. Luke ran over to the table taking a seat in between his boyfriend and brother. 

“So, Ben tell me about yourselves. Have you guys always lived here?” Ashton’s mom asked with a polite smile as they began to eat. 

“Yeah, Luke, Jack and I grew up here. We’ve lived in the same house since we were born,” Ben told her. 

“Jack? Is that another brother?” Luke stiffened at the sound of his dead brother’s name. He didn’t like to think about Jack or his parents. He felt Ashton rest his hand on his thigh reassuringly. 

“Yeah, he was the middle child. He died a few years back,” he explained causing her to look at him with sympathy. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. So, what do you guys usually do for Christmas?” she asked hopping the subject would be lighter. 

“We usually don’t celebrate the holidays,” Ben stated. 

“Oh, are you not Christian?” Ben shook his head. 

“No, we just stopped celebrating it after our parents died. It didn’t feel right.” A certain understanding overtook Ms. Irwin’s eyes as she realized the crucible the young boys had been through. She felt bad for the boys, losing their parents so young and having to live on their own. She regretted every bad thing she ever said about Luke. She shouldn’t of judged him before getting the whole story. 

After dinner, the boys went to Ashton’s room while his mom and Ben did the dishes. Ashton lay on his bed, looking up at the blue ceiling with stars on it. Luke walked around his room, seeing all the photos Ashton had of him and Michael and his family. His eyes landed on a strip of photos that were stuck to Ashton’s mirror. They were the photos him and Ash took in the photo booth a while back. A smile was placed on his lips as he turned around and went over to his boyfriend. He sat on the bed, making Ashton sit up as well. 

“Thank you for inviting me over. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed Christmas,” Luke spoke, their eyes locking. Ashton got lost in Luke’s sparkling blue orbs that looked much like the ocean, deep and full of pain. He could look into those eyes for the rest of his life. It was then, in that moment that Ashton realized he loved the blue eyed boy sitting in front of him. And he almost let the words slip out of his mouth but grew scared suddenly, biting his lip. 

“Of course,” he said with a smile instead, in his head telling Luke, he had fallen in love with him. 

“You’re so cute,” Luke muttered before closing all space between them, letting their lips touch. The kiss started out slow, just lips moving against lips but soon became heated with tongue added. Ashton loved kissing Luke. He could spend his entire life kissing the boy, his lips were soft yet rough at the same time, his lip ring grazing his lip every once in awhile. When they kissed, it was like everything around them disappeared. Ashton moaned into the kiss letting Luke know how much he enjoyed it. The blonde smirked at him, hovering over him making Ashton lay on his bed, Luke on top of him. Ashton’s hands wander under Luke’s shirt. He let his hands run over Luke’s abs, tracing patterns on his skin. His skin was soft yet muscular. The blonde lifted his shirt over his head, breaking the kiss for only a moment, letting Ashton further inspect his chest. Reluctantly, Ash removed his lips from Luke’s, letting them hover over his chest, making eye contact with the boy before he began to leave kisses all over his chest causing the boy to moan. He stopped at one of Luke’s nipples, taking it into his mouth, sucking on it. 

“Fuck-Ash,” he moaned throwing his head back in pleasure. As he continued to play with Luke’s nipple in his mouth, he let one hand run down into his boxers, wrapping his hand around his semihard d-ck. He began working him, moving his hand in a slow motion causing the blonde to thrust his hips forward in order to get more friction. Luke was a moaning mess as Ashton bit down on his nipple the same time he picked up speed with his hand. He could feel himself getting close, that warm feeling raising in his stomach. 

“A-ash, I’m c-coming,” he stuttered out as he came into the boy’s hand. Ashton removed his hand from Luke’s pants and kissed his lips before getting off the bed. 

“I’ll let you get cleaned up,” he said leaving the room, leaving Luke in his post-fucked out state. 

* * * 

Ashton sat nervously in front Luke in his bed. They were getting ready to go to bed. Luke stared at the neatly wrapped gift in front of him. 

“Ash, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Luke said as he looked into his boyfriend’s eyes. 

“I know, just open it.” Luke did as told opening the gift. Inside was a brand new hockey stick with his name engraved on it, it was painted their school colors and shined in the light. 

“Ash, it’s beautiful. Thank you,” he told him as he pulled him in for a hug, kissing his cheek. 

“I got you a gift too, it’s not much but..,” Luke said as he grabbed the gift bag from his bag, he wasn’t talented enough to gift wrap. Ashton pulled the tissue out seeing his very own hockey jersey, on the back was printed, Luke’s Boyfriend with his jersey number. 

“I got myself one too,” Luke said pulling out a jersey that said, Ashton’s Boyfriend on the back. Ashton smiled, running his fingers over the soft material. 

“There’s something else in there too.” Ashton looked inside the bag seeing a card. He opened it to see four plane tickets to Fiji for march. He looked at his boyfriend with huge eyes, excitement raising in them. 

“I figured, you, me, Calum, and Michael could go there for spring break as like our senior trip,” Luke explained. 

“Luke, I-I don’t know what to say. They must of cost a fortune. Thank you.” He pulled him in for a kiss, resting their foreheads against each other after. 

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Luke said with a smile. 

“Merry Christmas.”


	20. Life Ain't What It Seems

_“We all are living in a dream,_

_But life ain’t what it seems_

_Oh everything’s a mess_

_And all these sorrows I have seen_

_They lead me to believe_

_That everything’s a mess.”_

_\- Imagine Dragons (Dream)_

“Do I have to come?” Michael asked as he laid in his bed, his covers wrapped around him protectively. 

“Yes, now get up,” Ashton persisted as he grabbed the sheets from the boy making him curl up in a ball. 

“But I want to stay home and watch Ryan Seacrest's’ balls drop,” he groaned sitting up, his hair all over the place and pjs still on despite it being 8:30pm and you know he hasn’t left his bed all day by the look of him, maybe even the week. 

“No one wants to watch that, I don’t even think he has any to drop.” Michael groaned loudly rolling around in his bed. 

“Get up, and get dressed,” Ashton yelled at his friend. He made no move to do so, Ashton went over to Michael’s closet, covered with so many clothes you couldn’t even see the floor. 

“God, Michael, when was the last time you did laundry?” Michael didn’t answer, still not moving from his bed. Ashton grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and a crew neck. He went back out, throwing the clothes at his friend who still hadn’t moved. He sat on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on Michael’s shoulder. 

“Have you left your bed at all since you confronted Calum?” he asked making the boy lift his head and shake it. 

“Michael, you can’t stay in your bed the rest of your life. You’re going to have to go out and face the world sometime,” Ashton explained. 

“What would I even say to him though?” he asked sitting up to look his friend in the eye. 

“That you’re sorry,” Ashton stated. 

“But I’m not, Ash. I’m not sorry at all. I wish I was but I’m not. I don’t regret doing it or wish to take it back. The way he made me feel in that moment….that was the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life.” 

“Then tell him that!” 

“I can’t! I already know he doesn’t feel the same way back, he doesn’t even remember that night.” 

“You don’t know that, just tell him. Otherwise, you’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering what if you’d told him.” Michael groaned knowing Ashton was right and grabbed the clothes from his bed. 

* * * 

“I don’t want to go,” Calum told Luke as he stood in his room fixing his hair. 

“Since when does Calum Hood say no to a party?” Luke questioned raising an eyebrow. 

“I just don’t feel like it,” he said as he took a seat on his bed, Luke soon joining him. 

“Did something happen at the last party?” his friend asked worried. Calum bit his lip hesitant to tell his friend about Michael. 

“No,” he said firmly but Luke knew he was lying. 

“Come on Cal, tell me what happened.” Calum sighed and looked into his best friend’s honest blue eyes. 

“At the night of Michael’s party, I got really drunk. Like so drunk I don’t remember anything that happened that night. And Michael, he-he came up to me and said that while I was drunk we had sex,” he told the blonde. Luke looked at him stunned. 

“B-but I thought you were straight?” 

“I am, at least I think I am.” 

“Do you have feelings for Michael?” Luke asked. 

“I don’t know,” he answered thinking long and hard. 

“Does Michael have feelings for you?” Calum just nodded his head. 

“Then go to the party and talk to him. Figure things out, if you have feelings for him or not. You can’t keep avoiding him forever.” 

Michael went about the party doing everything possible to avoid Calum. He had a few drinks and danced on the dance floor. Calum stood in the corner, sipping his beer wondering what exactly happened between them at Michael’s party. He bit his bottom lips as he wondered how the green eyed boy’s lips tasted. He finished off his beer and went straight up to Michael, placing his lips on the boy’s. As soon as their lips met, Calum could remember everything from that night. As they kissed, that night played through his head making his mind pound and spin. Michael was frantically kissing the boy, adding tongue while running his hands all over the boy’s body. Calum remembered how they had kissed how he had lead Michael to his bedroom telling him he was going to give him his birthday gift, how their lips never left each other once they entered the room, how they tore each other’s clothes off like animals and how he thrusted in the boy making him scream his name. It all hit Calum all at once, like a bullet to the brain. He suddenly pulled back from the kiss, grabbing his head with his hands trying to make the visions from that night go away. Michael just stared at the boy wondering what was wrong with him and why he’d stop kissing him. 

“I can’t do this,” Calum whispered, barely loud enough for Michael to hear. 

“Why not? You seemed fine a minute ago and at my party?” he wondered out loud in pure confusion. 

“I-I’m not gay,” the boy said in a small voice. 

“Neither am I,” the green haired boy stated, not quite understanding what Calum was saying, too optimistic and hopeful to believe the sad truth. 

“No, Michael. I mean I don’t like you that way. I’m not attracted to you like that. I never have and I never will be. I don’t know what got into me at your party and I’m sorry if you misread the situation.” 

“Misread the situation! We had sex, and now you are telling me that you didn’t feel a single fucking thing the entire time. I don’t believe you, I saw the pleasure in your eyes that night.” Michael was outraged and mostly broken. 

“I was drunk! I had no idea what I was doing!” Calum shouted, turning heads. The whole room was looking at them, the music seemed quite compared to their heated argument. 

“Drunken words are sober thoughts!” he nearly screamed. Calum just shook his head, pointing to the boy as he spoke. 

“Maybe for you but not for me.” With that he turned around and left the room leaving Michael once again with a broken heart. 

Ashton and Luke had been at the party for a few hours. The party was at a beach house that has the ocean as its backyard. He had lost Michael a while ago and Luke just back from getting them drinks. 

“Let’s go outside,” he said to Ashton who nodded. They slipped through the glass doors to the outdoors. Surprisingly, there weren’t many people outside despite it being a beautiful night. 

“Let’s go in the ocean,” Luke suggested as he took a swing of his beer. 

“But we don’t have any swim trunks?” he said looking at the blonde with confusion. A smirk lit up Luke’s face as he raised his eyebrows. 

“We don’t need ‘em.” Ashton realizing what he meant, and began to look nervous. Sure, he had given Luke blow jobs but he had never been fully naked in front of him, he had never been fully naked in front of anyone. Luke was confident in himself, he had nothing to hide with his toned abs and big package. Ashton on the other hand wasn’t fat but wasn’t skinny, he had a bit a tummy to him and well, his package wasn’t small but it wasn’t as big as Luke’s. 

Luke could sense the boy’s nervousness and took a step closer to him, wrapping his arms around the boy’s waist. 

“We won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with,” he told his boyfriend gazing into his eyes. Ashton nodded, surprising his boyfriend when he pulled his shirt over his head. Luke licked his lips as he too began undressing. When fully unclothed, Luke just stared at the boy in front of him. His skin shined in the light of the full moon. 

“You’re beautiful,” the blonde told him, making Ashton blush. 

“Let’s go in the water.” He took his boyfriend’s smaller hand into his, linking their fingers together. They ran into the water together, shivering when the cold water hit their skin. They swam about and splashed each other and even made out a little. No, they didn’t have sex, they both wanted their first time to be special and in an actual bed. But just being in each other’s company was enough for them, they didn’t need to be ‘getting it on’ to have fun. They just had simple conversations and enjoyed simple touches. They stayed in the water for a long time, still there when the fireworks went off at midnight and they attached their lips together knowing for sure they would be spending the next year together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think, sorry for the wait been crazy busy with school and have had writers block.


	21. Lifeless Words Carry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we finally learn about Luke's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning the flashback scenes get a little graphic and gruesome.

_“And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand._

_Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on._

_But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning._

_Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart._

_Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent._

_All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain._

_All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over._

_There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones._

_To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all.”_

_Trading Yesterday (Shattered)_

“Where are you taking me?” Ashton asked his boyfriend as he sat shotgun in Luke’s Range Rover. Luke’s blue eyes glanced over to his hazel ones. It was a Saturday, they had gone back to school that Wednesday and Luke convinced Ashton into going on a road trip with him, not telling him where exactly. 

“You’ll see,” he said as he turned back to the road. They had been driving for hours now. Ashton could tell they were by the coast, he could smell the ocean and hear the seagulls in the distance. They turned down a bridge that looked like it had been recently redone. There were two lanes, going in different directions. Luke began driving faster as memories came back to him. He stepped on the gas pedal, all he could see was red and all he could hear were the screams from that night. He was off in his own little world, completely forgetting Ashton sat beside him. 

“Luke, slow down,” Ashton told his boyfriend placing his hand on the blonde’s shoulder sending him back to reality. He pulled off to the side of the road, abruptly getting out of the car, slamming his door shut. Ashton followed Luke out of the car in confusion. It was a cloudy day and was just beginning to rain, he could see the sky darkening as he stood next to the blonde watching the cars fly past them. Luke just stared off at the road, a ringing going off in his head. He could see their lifeless bodies covered in blood, their clothes ripped open and body parts missing lying on the bridge as a younger Luke was watching the medics try to revive them only to fail. He was shivering and all he could hear around him were the sirens of the ambulance and screams he let out when he saw the truck coming at them. He watched Jack and Ben get put on gurney’s and his parents get covered up as the medics ruled them DOA. He wondered why he was the only one awake, unharmed except a few scrapes and bruises and a broken heart. He wished to take their place, unable to imagine a life without his family. A cop kept on asking him questions as to what happened but he couldn’t find the words to speak. All he could do was stare at the remnants of his life that lay right in front of his very own eyes. 

“Luke,” Ashton practically yelled shaking the boy back to the present. He blinked his blue eyes, tears falling down his face. A few tears turned into many and soon he broke out sobbing. Ashton wasn’t sure what to do, he had never seen someone so broken. He pulled the boy into his arms, letting him drench his Green Day shirt with tears. Ashton took Luke over to the side of the road and sat down with him, letting him sob into his chest for hours. He had no idea why the boy was so upset or what upset him. All he knew is he wanted to take the boy’s pain away. After a while, Luke stopped crying, making eye contact with Ashton. He wiped at his red eyes. 

“This is where they died,” he said in a small voice. Ashton turned to him, confused. 

“Who?” 

“My parents. We were on our way back from spending Christmas at a national park in Sydney. My dad was driving, my brothers and I in the back of the car. I was 14 at the time. It was midday but seemed later with all the clouds in the sky. My dad, he turned away from one moment, just one moment and that was all it took. I let out a scream as I saw a semi truck coming at us head on but it was too late, there wasn’t enough time to swerve out of the car’s way. My dad shot us a glance through the mirror, he knew it would be very unlikely he would survive. In that one look he told us goodbye and how much he loved us without saying a word. We slammed head on into the other truck which happened to be a semi going 75 miles an hour. I watched the whole thing happen, the front half of our car was completely smashed inward and it went flying across the road where it landed right here. My brothers were unconscious when the car hit the ground. I remember getting out, I had a few scrapes and bruises but nothing drastic. The semi truck was perfectly fine, he pulled off the road and called 911. I sat right here in this very spot as I waited for the paramedics to arrive. The driver of the semi didn’t let me go near the ruined car my family lie in. The ambulance arrived, pulling my brothers out of the car first. They were both alive but in critical condition. I watched them pull my parents out of the car, they were covered in blood. So much blood, you couldn’t recognized them. In that moment, I kept on telling myself that’s not your parents, there’s no way that’s them, this is just some terrible dream. But it wasn’t a dream. The medics tried to revive them but there was no use, my mom’s face was ripped open and you could see her skull while my dad’s chest had craved in from the pressure of hitting the airbag, his entire abdomen snapped in half like a stick. The cops kept on asking me questions but I was in no state to answer them so the truck driver told them what happened. My brothers ended up being fine, Ben broke his leg and was in a wheelchair for a while and Jack had a broken arm but they were alive. My parents on the other hand didn’t make it. Ben took care of us after my parents’ death since all our relatives live out of the country. Ben arranged the funeral but I couldn’t dare myself to go. I couldn’t stand to go and watch others mourn their death, it just made it all too real. And I didn’t want to cry, not in front of anyone. I hated being weak and showing weakness. I went to their grave once a week, I still do. And just when I was beginning to live my life again, Jack killed himself. I had lost everyone I ever loved in the span of a year. Nothing good ever comes from love, Ash. All it causes is pain and devastation when you lose them. That’s why until recently, I refused to date. I was afraid to get close to people after losing my parents. I pushed everyone away, even Calum. I numbed the pain with sex and drugs, just going through the motions of life, never actually having fun or being happy except maybe when I played hockey. When I play hockey, it’s like I can feel my dad’s presence and imagine him smiling down at me. And then you came along, and I was scared as hell to let you in, afraid I’d grow attached to you but you made me happy, really happy. And I don’t know what I would do if it weren’t for you, Ash.” 

Ashton just stared at the boy he had grown to love speechless. He had always hoped Luke would tell him his full story but never expected him to. Now he understood it all, everything made sense now and Ashton’s heart broke for Luke for having to go through all of that at such a young age. Luke’s childhood had been taken from him while Ashton was having playdates and going to concerts, Luke was grieving the loss of his parents and brother, and all the pain that comes along with losing someone you love. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what’d it be like to lose his mom or siblings. He pulled the boy into his arms, embracing him, letting him cry out the last of the tears. They sat there like that for a while, holding each other close almost as if they were afraid if they let go they would lose the other. Eventually, Ashton got up, taking the keys from Luke and drove them to a nearby hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise this is the last of the angsty chapters, the rest will all be fluff except for the climax which wont be for another 5 chapters. I've lost a lot of my motivation to write recently, if you guys could please leave comments and kudos my motivation will go up and i will write more. After Shameless finishes I will most likely take a break from posting until the summer, I'll still work on new stories but won't post them until the summer when I have time to thoroughly plan out the story and focus on my writing. Let me know what u think of this chapter, we learn a lot about Luke here. How does Luke's past compare to how you pictured it? Hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving for those who live in the states.


	22. For Too Long I've Been Alone

_“Progress, I confess is way overdue_

_I get caught up in the things that I've held onto_

_For too long I've been alone_

_I'm stronger every step I take_

_Back to You, run back to You.”_

_\- Run Kid Run(My Sweet Escape)_

Luke entered the hotel room, stripping off his tear stained shirt and laid on the semi comfie bed. Ashton just stood at the doorway, still digesting everything Luke had told him. He had never thought Luke would tell him his full story. He knew he had a lot of pain built up inside of him but to go through losing half your family at such a young age did that to you. Ashton couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of grief and pain Luke had gone through. But yet he still stood tall, facing everything head on, going on about life like nothing had ever happened. The tall blonde was strong and he didn’t mean just physically. He had gone through a crucible and yet there he was standing in front of him, not afraid of a single thing, that was bravery in its clearest form. And Ashton admired him for his bravery and everything else about him. He was truly beautiful and strong, Ashton wished he could be so fearless. He loved him. No. He was in love with him. Every single part of him, the good and the bad. He had never felt something so strong in his life. It was like Luke was magnetic and pulled Ashton over to him without him even thinking or moving. 

Luke noticed Ashton staring, noticed the way he looked at him, the same way his dad looked at his mom, the same way his brother looked at him, the same way Jack looked at his mom, the same way his dad looked at him before he died; with adoration and love. But Luke ignored that look, pushing it to the back of his head. The thought of love scared him. 

“What are you looking at?” Luke asked shaking himself of the serious thoughts. 

“You,” he breathed out as he sat right in front of the boy, close enough to feel each other’s breath on the others’ skin. 

“Why?” the blonde nearly whispered afraid of the answer. And Ashton almost, almost told Luke he loved him but lost his courage halfway through. 

“Cause you're beautiful.” He went with instead. His hazel eyes flickered down to the boy’s pale lips. They let their lips meet each other, Ashton throwing all he couldn’t say into the kiss. They stayed like that for a while, not making a move to deepen the kiss, just enjoying the taste of each other’s lips. Luke bit down on Ashton’s bottom lip, making him open his mouth. He slid his tongue into Ashton’s mouth, deepening the kiss as his hands played with the boy’s curly locks. The kiss felt different than any other one they shared. It was filled with so much passion and emotion. Ashton slid his hands down Luke’s bare back, making his insides tingle. Luke’s hands fisted Ashton’s white shirt which soon he threw to the floor. He repositioned himself so he was hovering over the curly haired boy. He went to we attach their lips but Ashton pulled away just enough to speak. 

“F-fuck me,” Ashton said in a low husky voice. 

“W-what?” 

“Fuck me,” he repeated, sounding more sure this time making Luke get hard at just those words. 

“Are you sure?” Ashton just nodded. Luke swallowed a large lump in his throat as he went on kissing the boy, his hands wandering all over Ashton’s body while doing so. He could feel his body tingling with each touch, feeling it through his spine. Luke parted his lips from Ashton’s, beginning to suck on his neck. He bit down on his sweet spot, keeping his lips there to make sure to leave a prominent mark. Ashton let out a throaty moan as he bit down on the spot one final time before blowing on it. The blonde then went to leaving kisses all over his boyfriend’s body. 

“You're so beautiful baby,” he told him as he licked at every inch of skin on the boy. Ashton’s hands fisted the sheets with each pleasureable kiss. Luke kissed down to the waistband of his black skinny jeans. He looked up, gazing at Ashton as if asking permission before going further. Ashton just nodded so Luke went on. He unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them off and discarding them to the floor doing the same with his own moments later. Now the only things separating their bare skin from meeting was their boxers. Luke didn’t go straight to getting rid of them, instead he brought his lips back up to Ashton’s bringing them together in a passionate kiss. The whole moment slowed down, everything else fell away. Ashton could've lived in that moment forever, kissing the boy he loved. Luke’s hands squeezed at Ashton’s bum making him gasp leaving room for him to insert his tongue into his mouth. Ashton began thrusting forward eager for the boy’s touch. 

“L-luke, I need to feel you. Now,” Ashton stated impatiently. Luke chuckled breathlessly. 

“We haven't even gotten to the prepping yet, baby boy,” he said with a smirk as he subtly let his hand brush against the boy’s budge making him raise his hips for friction. 

“I want you so bad. I need to feel you inside of me, Luke.” The blonde smiled at his boyfriend’s dirty words and jumped off the bed making Ashton groan. 

“I’m just getting the lube and condom, Ash,” he said as he laid back on the bed, lying over the boy. 

“Let’s get rid of these,” Luke motioned to their boxers, Ashton nodded and that last piece of clothing was removed. The blonde spread lobe onto his fingers, making Ashton flip over. 

“This may hurt, tell me to stop if it gets too much.” With that Luke entered one finger into Ashton’s tight entrance making him tense at the unfamiliar and uncomfortable feeling. Luke just kept his finger in place until Ashton began to relax then he began to move his finger around and slowly added a second finger. He gasped out, fisting the sheets as he scissored him, stretching him out. He added in the last finger as Ashton threw back his head moaning at the pleasure. Luke nearly came at just the sound of his moans. He pulled his fingers out and grabbed the condom putting it on his c*ck along with the lobe. He positioned himself right above Ashton’s hole, holding onto his hips. 

“You ready, baby?” he asked to which the boy nodded. With that Luke pushed inside of the boy, just so only his tip was inside. Ashton adjusted around a bit, getting used to the feeling then motioned for Luke to go further. He started his thrusts slow and even, keeping his hands on Ashton’s waist to keep his placement. At first all Ashton could feel was pain but as time went on he began to feel the elation and pleasure, throwing his head back and letting out loud moans. Luke sped up his pace, he hit his prostate making Ashton nearly scream out his name with pleasure. His hands fisting the sheets as Luke thrusted in and out a few more times each time hitting his spot. With one final thrust Ashton came all over himself. Luke continued going until he too came. 

Luke collapsed beside Ashton, pulling out of him. Both of them breathing heavily, covered with sweat and cum. Both boys looked at each other with commendation too afraid to utter those three words they both knew they felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it's been so long since I've updated, I haven't had a lot of inspiration to write lately with this story. This is the last chapter I've written, I usually like to have at least one chapter ahead written when I post a chapter, so it may be a while until I update again since I still have to write the next chapter.


	23. I'm Counting on a New Beginning

 

_"I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy._

_I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need._

_I love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do_

_I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning._

_A reason for living. A deeper meaning."_

 

> __\- Savage Garden (Truly, Madly, Deeply)_ _

 

“What are you and Luke doing for Valentine's day?” Michael as Ashton as he took a seat in his car. It had been a few weeks since Luke took Ashton on the road trip. They had been much closer ever since. It seemed like Luke was no longer afraid to open up to him anymore. It was nice. There were no secrets, no lies, no hidden past between them. They knew all of each other now. They had had sex a few times since getting back but it wasn’t something they did everyday. Their relationship was about more than that.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. Him and Luke hadn’t spoke of the holiday. Luke probably thought it was stupid and didn’t plan on doing anything special for him. And Ashton was okay with that but he couldn’t help to hope for Luke to do something romantic for him.

“Well, you can always join me and watch the Titanic while eating those heart shaped donuts from Dunkin.” Ashton’s eyes shifted to his friend. They hadn’t talked about Calum in a while. At lunch, Luke sat with them but Calum no longer did. He would always catch Michael peering over at the boy with longing looks.

“Have you spoken to Calum?” he asked as he pulled out of his driveway. Michael shook his head staring out the window.

“You should talk to him, it’s been months since the incident. And we’re all going on spring break together so you have to at least tolerate him.”

“It wasn’t an incident Ash. He stole my virginity then left me,” he said in a ice cold voice. Ashton sent him a sad glance then turned back to the road. He felt bad for his friend. All he ever wanted was to experience high school and when he did he ended up broken hearted. Ashton couldn’t help but wonder if he would up that way as well. He couldn’t see a life without Luke. They had been dating for a few months now and he had grown attached to the boy. He loved him, even though he still hadn’t told him. He was scared to mess things up. Things had been going so well for them, Luke had seemed so happy lately he didn’t wanna risk that ending. He could see a forever with him, he really could. He just hoped Luke could as well. Otherwise, he’d be devastated.

Luke had always hated valentine's day. He frankly thought the holiday was just an excuse for people to get laid and stores to make some extra cash. His dad would always get his mom flowers on the holiday and take her out to dinner. His mom would give him and his brothers heart shaped cookies each year and the brothers would spend the night playing video games. Sometimes, Calum would come over and join them if he didn’t have a girlfriend at the time. He wasn’t planning on doing anything special for Ashton despite what his brother and Calum told him. He didn’t see the point. Luke arrived at the high school seeing many couples parading around in their own little bubbles. Guys giving girls chocolates and flowers while the girls would gush and blush with stupid smiles on their faces telling the guys how much they loved them. Love. That was another thing Luke hated. All it led to was hurt and disappointment. He spotted Ashton across the hallway and made his way over to him. A smile spread across his face as he gave him a quick kiss.

“What are we doing tonight?” Ashton couldn’t help but ask when they pulled away. Luke looked a bit confused then realized he was talking about for valentine's day. He didn’t want to disappoint the boy but at the same time he wasn’t one for romance.

“I was thinking we could just lay low and watch a movie at my house. I’ve never really liked valentine’s day.” The hazel eyed boy tried to hide his dismay with a smile.

Calum felt bad about everything that had gone on between him and Michael. It was Valentine’s day and he didn’t have a valentine. He didn’t want anyone to be his valentine at the moment. But he needed to apologize to Michael. He never meant to hurt the boy or mess with his feelings. After school, he drove over to his house. He was nervous. He hadn’t spoken to him since the new year’s eve party. The sun was shining as it always did on February 14th. He knocked on the door, not sure if he wanted Michael to answer it or not. Sure enough, the now blue dyed haired boy answered the door with surprise and wide eyes. He hadn’t expected Calum to ever speak to him again. He thought he hated him.

“What are you doing here?” Michael asked not so subtly. Calum let out a deep sigh looking into the boy’s green eyes.

“I wanted to apologize for everything,” he stated.

“Did Ashton or Luke put you up to this,” the green eyed boy asked not believing a word.

“No. Neither of them know I’m here or that I was coming here.”

“Anyway, I’m really sorry for everything that went down between us. I never meant to hurt you. That was never my intention though it may seem that way.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

“I was drunk and I do stupid things when I’m drunk. Sex has never meant much to me and I’m sorry I did that to you. I wish I could take it back. You and I got on really well before all this happened. If possible I would like your forgiveness and to have another chance to be your friend, though I know I don’t deserve one.” Michael tried to hold his gaze and be stern but he just couldn’t so instead he unfolded his arms and engulfed Calum in a hug.

“I forgive you.”

Ashton stopped at the Hallmark store on his way over to Luke’s. He figured if he wasn’t going to do anything for him for the holiday, he would. He walked into the story buying a bunch of roses, chocolates and a huge stuffed animal penguin with a heart its hands. He headed over to his boyfriend’s house hoping Luke wouldn’t get upset or think he was being stupid. He wondered if maybe the reason Luke resented the holiday was because he didn’t think he deserved to have someone to celebrate it with. He got out of his car, grabbing all the gifts. You could barely see Ashton behind all the flowers and the huge penguin. Luke opened the door to see his boyfriend hidden behind gifts. He looked at him shell shocked.

“I thought I said we weren’t doing anything for the holiday,” he stated trying his best not to smile. Ashton placed the stuffed animal on the porch, standing up straight.

“I know but I got thinking about it and you mean so much to me. I wanted to make sure you knew that, that you do deserve me, that you are good enough for me. I know you’re not perfect but still you’re all I ever wanted,” he told him. Luke smiled wide dropping his guard and kissed his boyfriend.

“You’re everything I ever wanted as well,” he told him as he pulled away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day! please leave kudos and or comments. also check out my new story, Story of My Life, which i will be updating shortly.


	24. Take Me to The Place I Love

_ “I don't ever want to feel _

_ Like I did that day _

_ Take me to the place I love _

_ Take me all the way.” _

 

  * __\- Red Hot Chili Peppers (Under the Bridge)__



 

“Mom, you have to let me go!” Ashton nearly shouted at his mom. It was a week before spring break, a week before him, Luke, Michael and Calum would go to Fiji. He had waited until last minute to tell his mom, knowing she wouldn’t approve of them going with no adult. 

“I am not letting four teenage boys, one of which is your boyfriend go on an unsupervised trip to Fiji!” she shouted back just as loud. Ashton groaned with frustration. 

“Can’t you just trust me? I’m almost 18. I go off to college in a few months,” he tries to explain. His mom lets out a deep sigh, she had always been protective of Ashton. He was her oldest and it was hard for her to see him growing up and apart from her. 

“Fine but call me as soon as you get there and every night.” A smile blossomed across her son’s face, making his hazel eyes shine. 

“And no doing drugs or drinking and if you have sex you better use protection!” She told him as they hug. He pulls back and goes to his room to begin packing. Michael is waiting in his room with his suitcase beside him. He’s been staying at Ashton’s for the past few days. His parents fighting has gotten really bad, to the point where Michael can’t sleep due to their constant yelling. They’re fighting over divorce settlements, who will get the house, the car, the Netflix system, the landline, the tv,  _ him _ . They haven’t once asked him what he wants or who he wants to stay with. But he doesn’t know what he wants. All he knows is he wants their fighting to end. 

“Are we going?” he asks his friend. He could really use the break from his parents. Ashton shows him a thumbs up making the blue haired boy smile. 

“Let’s start packing, this is going to be so much fun.”

It is the day before they’re supposed to leave and Luke hasn’t packed yet, at all. Hasn’t even found his suitcase. The reality of the whole situation is hitting him just now, how taking Ashton on a trip with him will take their relationship to the next level. Then again, didn’t they take it the next level when Luke told him his entire past? Luke trusted him and had told him everything but that didn’t stop him from being afraid to fall in love. He knows by this time in relationships, most people have said those three words to each other. But they haven’t. Mostly because Luke is so goddamit afraid of those three stupid words. To him, all they bring is heartache and despair. He can’t love Ashton, he won’t love Ashton ‘cause that would mean truly opening himself up to pain and heartbreak again and he isn’t ready for that. He just got over the lost of his parents. But he cares about the boy so much, he can’t see his life without him. Maybe he does love him, he’s just too much of a coward to admit it. 

“Have you started packing yet?” Ashton asks as he walks into Luke’s bedroom. 

“Nope,” he tells him. Ashton places Luke’s suitcase that Ben handed to him on his way in, on his bed. 

“You going to make me pack for you?” the hazel eyed boy asks as he walks over to his boyfriend. 

“No, I’ll pack tonight. I have other things I want us to do,” he says suggestively. 

“Is that so?” Luke nods his head as he wraps his arm around Ashton’s waist, their faces less than an inch apart. 

“What exactly do you have planned?” he asks raising an eyebrow. Luke closes the space between

them, connecting their lips. It soon turns heated and ashton is moaning into the kiss as he let’s their tongues dance and bare skin touch. He pushes him over to the bed, hovering over him, their lips still touching. Ashton’s hands lay at the back of his neck, playing with his hair. Luke can feel his soft fingers in his hair as he rolls his hips against him making Ashton let out a loud moan. 

“Think of how much we’ll be able to do just this on vacation,” he whispers to Ashton, letting him remove their shirts. 

“No parents to interrupt us or hear us, we can be as loud as we want.” The blonde begins leaving kisses all over Ashton’s body, sucking on each patch of skin, sending him to heaven. He is once again reminded that he loves this boy but doesn’t tell him. 

It’s a long plane ride to Fiji but once they arrive the boys are wide awake with excitement. Ashton had never left the country until now, same with Michael. Luke had been to America a couple times with his family and Fiji for a family wedding back when he still had a family. But now as Luke walked into their suit at he hotel with his boyfriend and best friends, he wondered what really was family. Did family have to be blood related? ‘Cause Luke felt this was his family, here with Ashton, Calum, and Michael. They made him feel safe and happier than he’s ever been before the accident. And isn’t that what’s family about? To make you feel safe and happy and like everything is going to be okay in the end when sometimes it isn’t. Luke smiled, yeah he guesses this is his family. 

Their room overlooks the clear blue water and Ashton is in awe of the sight. They have a patio where they can go out and look at the night sky. There are two beds, one for Luke and Ashton and one for Michael and Calum. They drop their bags off in the room, noticing the bright sun and beautiful view outside their window.

“Let’s go swimming,” Calum suggests. They all agree and change into their swim trunks. They arrive at the beach which is behind the hotel. The water is clear and bright and beautiful. It reminded Ashton of Luke’s sea blue eyes. Maybe this trip would give him the perfect opportunity to tell Luke he loves him. He couldn’t help but be nervous to tell the blonde. He had never uttered those words to anyone other than his family and Michael. But he shouldn’t be nervous, should he? Luke and him had already gone through so much together, they had shared everything with each other, their past, their hopes and dreams. Ashton let his hazel eyes meet Luke’s. He still couldn’t believe that Luke was his. He had been crushing on him since freshmen year and here he was ready to tell his crush he loves him. They ran into the water, swimming about, not giving a care in the world. 

Calum took his place beside Michael in their shared bed the next night. He couldn’t help but feel a bit awkward. They hadn’t talked much since they made up a week ago. He wondered if Michael still had feelings for him. Or if he regretted what they did. Calum himself still wasn’t sure what he felt about what happened, what his feelings for Michael were. Did he think of him as just a friend or something more? Calum wanted to reach out and ask Michael but he hesitated. 

Meanwhile, Michael could feel Calum lay beside and he couldn’t help to think of the last time they shared a bed together. He longed for that night, he longed for the way Calum made him feel that night, like he was the only boy in the world, like he was special, like he deserved to be loved. But Calum didn’t love him, not at all and that still broke Michael. He couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever find someone to love him. He feared he was unlovable. 

Luke and Ashton sat in the sand staring out at the ocean. It was a full moon, reflecting beautifully on the water. Ashton’s head laid on Luke’s shoulder. The moment would of been perfect to tell the blonde those three words but Ashton couldn’t bring himself to say them. 

“What do you see when you think of the future?” He asks him looking into Luke’s blue orbs.

“I don’t know,” he responds halfheartedly. Ashton bits down on his lip, nervous. 

“Do you see me in your future?” Luke turns his head to look at him, surprised by the question. 

“Yeah, I do,” he tells him after thinking it over. Ashton lets a smile grace his lips. 

“I see a future with you as well.” They fall into a comfortable silence watching the stars shine down on them. 

“I wish we could stay here forever,” Ashton comments. 

“Me too.” Luke leans in and kisses Ashton. It isn’t a desperate or sexual kiss, instead it is slow and full of passion and love. Ashton would of lived in the moment forever if he could. But he couldn’t and the next day they went back to reality. 


	25. I'd Be Shameless

_ “And the truth is  _

_ I'd be shameless _

_ And I'd be grateful  _

_ For this one chance _

_ For our first dance” _

__ \- Go Radio ( The Truth Is) _ _

 

“Have you asked Ashton to prom yet?” Calum asks Luke on their way to school the monday after spring break. The blonde turns his head to look at his friend. He had totally forgotten about prom. He had never planned on going to prom but now that he was in a stable relationship, maybe it would be good for them, maybe even fun. 

“No, I should though. How should I ask him?” Luke wonders. He’s never been much for romance or big gestures but Ashton is and part of him wanted to ask his boyfriend in some cute, big, romantic way. 

“I have an idea.”

****

Luke’s hands shook with nervousness as he waited for Ashton to arrive. Calum had helped him set up for the promposal. He looks around the hockey rink, proud with the final product. There’s rose petals all around the ring and where the scoreboard would be is a light up sign asking Ashton to prom. He hears footsteps and looks up to see his boyfriend. Ashton doesn’t notice the flowers at first, he just skates over to Luke, looking at him as if he’s his destiny and in a way he is. One of his skates comes in contact with a petal and he looks around to see petals all around the rink. He smiles to himself as he makes his way to Luke. 

“What’s all this?” he asks, wondering what he ever did to deserve this, to deserve Luke, to deserve love. 

“This is where I first asked you to be my boyfriend and I wanted this to be the place where I ask you to prom,” Luke tells him as he points Ashton’s direction at the light up sign. And if it was even possible, his smile grew wider, glowing. 

“Yes,” he tells him with happiness and love evident in his eyes. Luke of course doesn’t notice the love in his hazel eyes. Ashton jumps into his boyfriend’s arms, wrapping his legs around his waist, arms around his neck. He brings their lips together letting their tongue connect and dance. And he just wants this moment to last forever. 

Ashton, Luke, Calum, and Michael arrive at the prom in a limo. Calum asked a girl named Claire who he’s been getting to know recently. Michael didn’t even want to go to the prom but Ashton insisted he come, knowing he would regret it if he didn’t. They enter the building to see a local band playing cover songs. The place is decorated to look like it’s under the sea with blue ribbon and streamers everywhere. There’s even little reflectors on the ceiling to make it look like they’re underwater. There’s a huge sea shell for people to take pictures. Luke thinks it all stupid and cliche but love it at the same time. He would never admit that of course. 

Michael watches as his classmates have the time of their lives, dancing and grinding on each other. He wishes he could be like them. But in his mind he doesn’t believe he deserves what they have. He doesn’t deserve happiness or love. He doesn’t deserve a happy ending. But he does. Across the room, a brown haired girl with blue eyes is staring at him thinking the exact same thing. Her hair is long and curly, she wears a red dress that brings out her eyes. She’s beautiful but no one else seems to think so. She stares at Michael, wondering if he feels as alone as she does and if maybe, just maybe they could make each other feel less alone. 

“Mckenzie, why don’t you join us?” her friends ask her. They all have dates. She looks at them and then back at Michael. 

“One minute,” she tells them as she gets up. She makes her way over to Michael. He’s sitting at a table by himself in a navy suit that brings out his green eyes. He looks up to see her coming his way, thinking there’s no way she’s coming over to talk to him. But she is. 

“Hi, Michael,” she says to him as she nears him. She looks stunning and he’s a bit taken aback that she’s even talking to him. 

“Hi, Mckenzie,” he says trying to stop his voice from shaking. He remembers her from a few of his classes. They’ve talked before but never hung out outside of school. 

“Are you here by yourself?” she asks. Michael nods ready for her to make fun of him or walk away but she doesn’t. 

“Do you want to dance with me?” His green eyes go wide as she says this and he nods his head, standing up. They head over to the dance floor as a slow song comes on. They pull each other close and for once, Michael feels as if he belongs. 

Ashton looks over from where he is on the dance floor to see Michael dancing with a girl and smiles to himself. His friend deserves to find love and happiness. He turns to Luke with a smile, pulling him closer. They sway back and forth, Ashton’s head resting on Luke’s neck. And this feeling comes over Luke, this strange feeling he’s never felt before, like he is at peace with the world and everything is perfect, like he can take on anything, he feels infinite. Ashton notices how wide Luke smiles but doesn’t saying anything afraid to ruin. And he feels infinite too but Ashton always feels infinite when he’s with Luke. He’s in love with him and he just wishes he had the balls to tell him. But he doesn’t. Hopefully one day, he will. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for me to update, I've been crazy busy and have had writers block.


	26. I Can't Breathe After All You've Told Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys r going to hate me for this but this is the climax of the story. prepare yourselves.

_ “Three years of something I call love _

_ When the phone calls and photographs were never enough _

_ To save a heart that’s been broken so close to screaming _

_ This can’t be happening, I must be dreaming _

_ What’s the worst that could happen? I never knew _

_ When all I ever wanted was to get away from you _

_ But now the possible’s impossible and I can’t refuse _

_ Grab all your dreams and raise all your glasses _

 

_ Let’s toast to the lucky ones _

_ To the girl that just broke my heart _

_ I can’t breathe after all that you’ve told me _

_ You took my heart and made me melt again.” _

 

  * __Mayday Parade (Angels)__



 

 

“Ashton, a letter in the mail came for you,” Lauren tells him as he comes home from school. He grabs the letter from the counter noting how heavy it is and the fancy stamp. With shaking hands he gently rips the envelope open as if the papers inside will change based on how it’s opened. He pulls out the first paper, reading the words quickly as a smile spreads across his face. He got in. He wants to jump up and scream ‘cause he got into the college of his dreams. 

“What is it?” his sister asks curious. He smiles at her, his eyes shining. 

“I got in, Laur. I got into Princeton!” he tells her. She smiles as well hugging him. 

Luke’s never really cared about going to college. He mainly just wants to go so he can go pro in the AHL like his dad. His brother is smiling at him when he gets home. He seems oddly happy. He hasn’t seen Ben happy in a long while. 

“A letter from the University of Sydney came,” he says. Luke looks to the open envelope on the table, Ben hands a letter to Luke. His eyes scan it seeing he got in. He sets it down and shrugs his shoulders like it's no big deal. 

“Luke, you’re going to the same college as dad. You’re gonna go pro!” his brother exclaims with joy. And as much as he wants to share that joy and happiness, he can’t. He’s not capable of happiness, he doesn’t believe he deserves it.

“Maybe I’ll die the same as dad as well,” he says sarcastically with a fake bitter smile. Ben’s smile drops, his face faltering. 

“Don’t say that.” Luke rolls his eyes and goes to his room. 

Ashton drives over to Luke’s house with excitement. He can’t wait to tell him the news. He pulls up to his boyfriend’s house with a smile on his face and joy in his heart. He notices Ben on his way in who looks confused as he stares at a stack of papers. 

“Hey Ben,” Ashton greets. 

“Hey, Luke’s upstairs.” He nods noticing the papers Ben is looking at are from the University of Sydney. He smiles to himself and heads upstairs. Luke is laid out on his bed when he enters his room. His blonde hair is laid down flat on his hair instead of in its usual quiff making him look soft and vulnerable. His blue eyes shine into Ashton’s as he looks up at him. He joins him on the bed, a smile dancing on his lips. All his dreams are coming true, Ashton realizes, he got into his dream college, he’s fallen in love, and he’s dating the boy he’s been crushing on since freshman year. He leans forward and kisses Luke, it’s different from any other kiss they’ve shared. It’s full of power, energy, passion, and love. Ashton can’t hold it in anymore, he has to tell him. He’s certain Luke will say those three words back. 

When they pull back from the kiss, Luke watches how Ashton’s eyes change. He knows very well what they mean, and knows what he’s about to tell him. 

“I love you, Luke,” he tells him making the blonde’s heart shatter into a million pieces and panic all at the same time. Luke begins shaking his head as tears gather in his eyes, in his head he is replaying every pain, every heartbreak he’s ever had. Ashton looks him in the eyes, he can tell he’s panicking but he doesn’t stop, he can’t. He loves him too much. He’s too far gone. 

“Luke, I love you. I have for a long while now and I know love scares the hell out of you but I promise I will not ever leave you.” Luke begins frantically shaking his head, tears pouring down his face as his crystal blue eyes turn stone cold. Anyone else would of melted right there and said those words back but Luke isn’t just anyone, he’s been hurt too many times to do that. 

“No, no you don’t,” he tells him with a determined voice. 

“But I do, Luke. And nothing in the world will make me not love you.” His whole body trembles when he hears those words. He can’t fall in love, he can’t be in love. All love leads to is destruction and pain. 

“Take it back,” he almost pleads not wanting to lose what they have but knows all is lost in the end. Ashton seems confused now and maybe a bit hurt but Luke’s put up his walls once more that Ashton had taken months to take down. 

“I won’t take it back, Luke. I love you. I love you. I love you. How many times have I got to say it for you to believe it?” The blue eyed boy shakes his head removing himself from Ashton. 

“You’ve ruined it,” he whispers just loud enough for the hazel eyed boy to hear and break his heart. Ashton’s whole heart shatters, he’s head over heels for this boy. He’s his everything, his happiness, his friend, his boyfriend, his soulmate, his future, his destiny, his  _ lover _ . And his insides snap in half at those words. 

“How have I ruined it? I told you I love you!” he shouts astonished. 

“Exactly! You’re not supposed to tell me that! You’re not supposed to love me. You can’t love me!” Luke shouts back. Both of them look and sound completely broken inside. 

“But I do love you, Goddammit!” Ashton yells staring his boyfriend in the eyes. 

“You can’t be!” The two are now standing over the bed, tears in both their eyes. 

“But I am, don’t you love me back?” Ashton asks expecting, hoping, needing Luke to say ‘yes’. Instead Luke backs away, fear evident in his eyes. 

“No, I don’t love you,” he tells him shattering Ashton’s heart. The hazel eyed boy steps closer to the blue eyed boy. 

“Then why have we been dating? Why have you shared everything with me? Why did you tell me you see a future with me? Why did you let me fall for you?” Ashton asks growing desperate, tears falling everywhere, cascading down his porcelain face. 

“I didn’t. You weren’t supposed to fall for me.” 

“Then what was I to you? Some game, another person for you to hurt? You want to know why people always leave you? Because you push them away, you hurt them when all they do is love you. And what do you do to repay them? Treat them like dirt. No wonder your parents left you, I would've too,” Ashton yells not meaning a word of it but so hurt that he can’t control what’s coming out of his mouth. Luke feels everything inside of him break when he hears those words. He falls to the floor sobbing, coming apart at the seams. 

“Just go,” he whispers just loud enough for Ashton to hear. 

“I love you and you could have loved me too, but you had to ruin it just like you always do. I knew this was too good to be true,” he mutters as he leaves Luke’s room shutting his door with a slam. He runs down the stairs and out to his car where he breaks down, getting tears all over his steering wheel. Every memory of him and Luke replays in his head causing him heartache instead of joy like they used to. He bangs on the steering wheel, mad at himself, mad at Luke, mad at the world. He eventually pulls himself together enough to drive home. When he gets to his bed he cries himself to sleep. 

Meanwhile, Luke is pacing back and forth in his room, tears pouring down his face. He hasn’t cried this much since he lost his parents. He’s back to that dark place that Ashton brought him out of, that place that he was stuck in for years where he never smiled and felt broke on the inside. He falls to the floor, curling himself into a ball and sobs. His cries can be heard from downstairs and they break Ben as well as the rest of the world. Ben drops the letter he was reading and runs up the stairs to his brother’s room. He opens the door to see him in an utter mess on the floor. 

“Luke, what happened? What’s wrong?” he asks as he rushes to his side, patting his back and tries to pry his arms away from his face. But Luke doesn’t hear a word. He just continues to cry breaking both his own and his brother’s heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry guys but i had to do it. there's only a few more chapters left and I'm still not sure how to end this story so I'll let you guys vote, do you guys want a happy ending, a realistic ending, or a sad ending?


	27. All I Wanted Was You

_ “Come break me down _

_ Bury me, bury me _

_ I am finished with you _

_ Look in my eyes _

_ You're killing me, killing me _

_ All I wanted was you.” _

 

  * __30 Seconds to Mars (The Kill/Bury Me)__



 

Michael sits with Ashton in his room watching his friend come undone as he tells him what happened with Luke. His heart breaks for his friend. He deserves love and happiness. And he had found that love and happiness but now all he felt was broken. Michael pulls his friend into a hug, letting him cry into his shirt and soak it with tears. 

“Ash, it’s going to be okay,” he reassures him. But Ashton only shakes his head. 

“No, it won’t. He was my everything. I thought he was my soulmate. I loved him, I still love him and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop loving him.” His now black haired friend wipes away his tears and makes the blonde look him in the eye. 

“This is going to hurt like hell for a while but you’ll get over him. You’ll move on. One day, you are going to wake up and you won’t miss him. And you are going to go to Princeton and have fun and find that happiness again with someone who deserves your love.” 

Luke stands with Calum in front of Zack’s mansion. They just won another hockey game but he didn’t feel like he won. For the first time in four years, Ashton wasn’t in the stands cheering him on. And he knows he did this to himself but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. 

“You sure you’re up for this?” Calum asks him. Ben had called him the night of the break up and told him what happened. Ever since, Calum has been keeping a close eye on his friend. Luke just nods his head walking into the house filled with teenagers. He can smell the drugs and hear the music pulsate through him but he doesn’t feel a thing. He feels numb, broken, and most of all empty. He falls back to his old ways, doing drugs and getting drunk to numb the pain, to forget about how much he hates himself, how much he just wants it all to end. 

Luke loses himself in the crowd, dancing to the music, grinding on other guys. Calum watches him from the bar feeling deja vu to a few months ago before Luke and Ashton had started dating. When Luke would sleep around and get drunk and stoned out of his mind every night to silence his thoughts and end the pain. He thought they had come so far, he thought Luke was finally greving. But now, they’re right back where they started and Calum can’t help but feel a bit mad at his friend. He had the perfect guy who would do anything and everything for him, he loved him, he made him happy, he made him feel whole again. And Luke broke his heart. He knows his friend didn’t do it on purpose, he can’t help but be afraid of love considering all he’s been through. But here was his chance to have a happy ending, move on with his life and he blew it. Like Ashton said, he had ruined it. But Calum would never tell Luke he felt this way, it would break him even more, if that was possible. 

Luke follows James blindly up the stairs to a bedroom. He can’t help but think of when he followed Ashton to the bedroom and how amazing he made him feel. But that was over now. James shut the door behind them not wasting anytime kissing Luke carelessly. And Luke kisses back but it doesn’t even come close to how it felt to kiss Ashton. They begin to remove each other’s clothes as they continue to kiss, their tongues fighting for dominance. And Luke still doesn’t feel a thing. James lays him on the bed, placing himself on top of him. And Luke still doesn’t feel a thing. He grinds down on him, his hands in his blonde hair. And Luke still doesn’t feel a thing. All he can think about is Ashton. And how he made him feel, how happy and infinite and loved he felt when they were together. Now he just felt nothing, absolutely nothing. James goes to remove their pants but Luke stops him. He can’t do this. 

“You’re not Ashton,” he whispers as he gets up from underneath him, grabbing his shirt and leaving the room. He walks out on to the patio, staring up at the stars. He lets out a cold, bitter laugh. How could he be so stupid. A guy like him could never get a guy as nice and kind and smart and funny and amazing as Ashton. It was too good to be true. He doesn’t get that happy ending. He doesn’t deserve that happy ending. 

Michael drags Ashton to the arcade with him, hoping to brighten his mood. They play games and eat greasy pizza but it doesn’t make him feel any better. In fact all it does is remind him of when Luke and him went on a date there. How Luke had taught him how to win all the games and won him a Gizmo. How they had made out in the photo booth. How he could feel himself falling for him in that moment in the photobooth. 

Ashton arrives back from the arcade and goes straight to his room. He can’t help but let his eyes come to face with the photos they took at the photobooth that hang on his dresser. He picks the photostrip up, smiling thinking about that moment seeing how happy they look in the pictures. He drops the pictures to the floor and walks over to where his Gizmo sits on his bed. How did things get this way, he wonders as he picks up the stuffed animal and hugs it to his chest. Memories from the night of the break up shot through him causing anger and sadness to seize through his veins. With one sudden movement, he rips the head off the Gizmo and throws to the floor. He stares at the remnants of the stuffed animal like it’s the remnants of his relationship. And he falls to the floor, weeping, longing for his love to come back to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only a few chapters left, I've been working on a few new lashton stories that I'm really excited about, I'll start posting those once I have a few more chapters done. Do you guys want a happy, sad, or realistic ending for this story?


	28. Your Whole World Has Gone Up into Flames

  _"Now you still speak of day old hate_

_Though your whole world has gone up into flames_

_And isn't it great to find that you're really worth nothing_

  _And how safe it is to feel safe.”_

__\- City and Colour (Day Old Hate)_ _

 

Ashton stares at the suit laid out on his bed with his cap and gown. It’s graduation. He had always been looking forward to this day, where he could say goodbye to his high school life and move on to greater, better things. But now here he was and he wasn’t even the tiniest bit excited. It had been a week since his breakup with Luke and today would be his first time seeing him since. He didn’t want to see him though, if he sees him, he’ll be reminded of all the moments they shared together, all the pain he caused him, all the love he made him feel. He’s afraid he’ll fall for him all over again if he sees him or break down and cry like he does every night. Michael’s been sleeping over at his house for the past week to make sure his friend is okay, which he isn’t. He listens to him cry himself to sleep each night and he wishes he could take away his pain. But he can’t and that’s the worst part, the feeling of hopelessness.

Ashton slips on his suit and stares in the mirror, remembering the last time he wore a suit was at prom. He had felt so loved that night at prom, slow dancing with the man of his dreams, looking into his clear blue eyes. But it was a false feeling, he wasn’t loved at all. He didn’t feel like he was loved by anyone or could be loved, he felt unlovable. And that’s just about the worst feeling in the world. All his life he had been searching, searching for someone to love him and treat him right and he thought he found that person but he was wrong. And that broke him, broke him like a piece of glass, shattering into little pieces.

“You ready to go?” Michael asks Ashton breaking him from his train of thought, which was probably a good thing, considering how dark his thoughts could get sometimes. Sometimes he just feels so lonely and unloved that his thoughts wander to ending his life. He’s thought about suicide quite a lot recently. But Ashton’s a coward, at least in his eyes he is. He doesn’t have the guts to actually do it, he couldn’t do that to his mother or his siblings or Michael. And he had a great future, just waiting for him. He got into one of the best ivy league colleges in the world, he couldn’t just give that up. His mom kept on telling him how proud she is of him and how he is going to go on to do great things. But he isn’t so sure about that. He just feels so low and fragile right now, he can’t think about the future in a positive way.

“Yeah, let’s go,” he tells his friend. Michael nods giving him a half smile as they head for Ashton’s Jeep. Michael’s parents are going through the process of getting a divorce, they’ve been constantly fighting with each other and both hired lawyers to settle who gets what, including him. He hasn’t been home in a week and he hasn’t wanted to, he’s tired of listening to them fight. They get into Ashton’s car and drive to the venue where the graduation ceremony is being held.

“Luke, get the hell up!” Ben yells at his brother who still lies in his bed with only 15 minutes until the graduation ceremony starts. His head hurts from his heavy hangover from the night before. He’s been going to parties every night and getting drunk, hoping to forget the pain. He lifts his messy blonde head, his hair is all over the place and his blue eyes are bloodshot.

“Luke, you have to get ready. We need to leave in five,” his brother tells him leaving his room. Ben’s worried about Luke. He hasn’t seen him happy since the breakup and he seems to be back where he was after his parents died. He’s on a downward spiral, again but this time Ben isn’t sure he will recover from this. Luke throws on his suit and attempts to brush his hair, he ends up leaving it down instead of up in its usual quiff. They leave the house and head to the ceremony.

Ashton sits in the front with the rest of his classmates, Michael sits in the row in front of him. He hasn’t spotted Luke yet, his seat beside Calum remains empty. And Ashton isn’t sure if he’s happy or sad about that. The ceremony is about to start and he’s beginning to think Luke isn’t coming, but then he sees his unforgettable clear blue eyes that look sad and bloodshot. He hasn’t seen Luke like that since before they started dating. He can’t help but blame himself for Luke’s sad discomposure. He feels responsible for it but at the same time he doesn’t regret telling him he loved him. He still does and he’s not sure if he will ever stop loving him.

Michael spots Luke then looks back at his friend, he can’t read the expression on his face. He wish he could though, he wish he could know what was going through his mind in that moment. He wish he could make him feel better, make his pain go away. He would do anything for his friend, cause he loves him. He’s loved him since freshmen year when Ashton stood up for Michael against a group of boys that were bullying him. He doesn’t love him the way Ashton loves Luke, it’s a different kind of love, he loves him like family, like he’s his brother. He reaches back and pats his friend’s knee hoping to comfort him but knowing it doesn’t do a thing.

Calum watches as Luke makes his way over to him, he hasn’t spoken to Luke since almost a week ago. He’s seen him since but hasn’t spoken to him. They got in a fight at one of the parties they went to together. Luke was drunk out of his mind and Calum just couldn’t watch him self destruct any longer. He tried to reason with Luke, that he was taking steps backwards, that he shouldn’t drink himself to sleep each night, that he deserves Ashton’s love. But he wouldn’t hear any of it, he just stumbled off into the darkness. He’s worried about Luke and he just wants to see him happy again. But he knows the only way for him to be happy would be if he and Ashton got back together and Calum didn’t see that happening. Luke had broken Ashton’s trust along with his heart.

Luke walks through the auditorium in a hazy state. His head is still pounding and his vision is blurry. But one thing is clear, a head of dark blonde curls and hazel eyes. All he can see is the hazel eyed boy that he lost. And he feels so mad at himself for not being good enough for the boy, for hurting him, for not deserving a guy as good as him. He doesn’t notice the tears that make their way down his cheek. He also doesn’t notice when Ashton looks at him the same way he is looking at him. He thinks he’s lost him for good, that everything good in his life he’s destroyed. And that’s when an idea pops in his head, and he’s made a decision, there’s no turning back now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter left!


	29. You Are the One That I've Been Waiting For

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!!!

_ “And so if you're supposed to get what you deserve in life _

_ And you came just in the nick of time _

_ God's grace has overtaken me _

_ My love, needless to say, I am blessed by you _

_ 'Cause you are the one, you are the one that I've been waiting for _

_ I've been waiting for _

_ And I am changed by you _

_ The more I get to know you _

_ The more I want you close to me _

_ And I'll take care of you _

_ Please just say you'll let me _

_ Forever be whatever you need” _

 

  * __Between the Tree(Changed by You)__



 

As soon as Luke gets home from graduation he runs to his room. He looks around his room for a notebook and pen. He finds one by the penguin Ashton got Luke. Tears threaten to escape his eyes as his fondest memories of Ashton pass through his mind. He misses the boy so much. He helped him move on from his parents’ deaths and made him happy. But that was over now, he had to focus at the task at hand. He knows if he thinks to hard on it, he’ll chicken out. But he can’t it’s the only solution to his problems, the only way out, the only way to stop the pain. He picks up the notebook and begins writing. 

Ashton’s mom drags him out to dinner with Michael and his family. They all sit at a long table at Chili’s talking of the future. Michael got into Berkeley College of Music. They would both be heading to the states but would still be further apart than they’ve ever been from each other. He wouldn’t have Michael to keep him sane and be there for him. He wouldn’t have Luke either. He would be all alone. And suddenly, he wasn’t excited for college or the future or anything. But his mother and friends kept on telling him what an amazing time he was going to have at college. Michael notices his friend’s sad mood and when the parents go to pay for their dinner he goes to the seat right by him. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks him, his green eyes meeting his friend’s hazel ones. 

“I just don’t know about college anymore.” Michael looks at him confused. 

“What do you mean? You’ve been looking forward to this your whole life.”

“I have but I always imagined you being there with me. I won’t have you there….or Luke. I’ll be all alone,” he tells him breaking out in sobs. The green eyed boy places his hands on Ashton’s face, wiping away the tears then making him look him in the eye. 

“Ashton, listen to me, you can’t let other people define you. It’s going to be hard without us in college but you won’t have time to miss me with all the opportunities coming your way. And as far as Luke goes, he doesn’t deserve to ruin your dream of going to college. Just because he broke your heart doesn’t mean he broke you, it doesn’t mean life won’t go on.”

“What if he did break me?” Ashton cries. Michael gets closer to his friend, his hands still on Ashton’s face wiping his tears. 

“He doesn’t get to break you, Ash. You’re stronger than that. I know you’ll get through this. You are going to go to college and achieve your dreams. And one day, you will fall in love again with someone who will love you back and you will look back at this and laugh.” Ashton hopes he’s right. 

Luke puts the last piece of paper in the envelope and places the three envelopes on his dresser before grabbing his keys and leaving his house. He looks back at his house one final time, tears pouring down his face before he places his keys in the ignition and drives off. 

Ashton arrives home from the dinner and goes to his room. Something feels off, deep inside him he knows something’s wrong. He checks on his family to make sure they’re alright then calls Michael who is fine, which only leaves one person left, Luke. Reluctantly, he drives over to Luke’s. There’s no cars in the driveway when he gets there. He wonders if maybe Luke is at a party or out at dinner with his brother. But his gut tells him he isn’t. He knocks on the door knowing no one will answer. After five minutes of waiting, he grabs the spare house key from under the doormat and enters the house. The house is completely silent but looks exactly the same since Ashton was last there when they broke up. He calls out Luke’s name but doesn’t get an answer. For some reason, he doesn’t stop looking. He heads up the stairs to Luke’s room. It’s completely empty, he’s about to leave when he notices three envelopes on his dresser. Ashton studies the envelopes, one addressed to Ben, one to Calum and one to him. He picks up the one with his name on it and sits on Luke’s bed. He opens it with shaking hands, pulling out the letter to see Luke’s messy handwriting. His break breaks as he begins to read what’s written down. 

_ Dear Ashton, _

_ I’ve never written a letter before. Funny how the first letter I write is going to be my last. I just wanted you to know that you meant something to me. I enjoyed every moment with you, you made me happy again. I know I really hurt you and I’m sorry for that. I won’t ever forgive myself for hurting you. I miss you so much. The days since our breakup have been the worse days of my life. They feel incomplete, empty and worthless. But that’s how I deserve to live. I don’t deserve you, I knew that when I first met you and I should've not let myself get close to you. I’ve lost so many people who I’ve loved which is why I freaked out when you told me those three words. I was afraid to lose you but I lost you anyway. I don’t regret anything except not telling you I loved you too. Guess it’s too late now. Wouldn’t matter anyway, a guy like you is too good for a guy like me. Anyway, please don’t blame yourself for this but I just can’t deal with the pain anymore. It’s the only way I can think of to get it to stop. I loved you, I really did, even if it killed me. I’ll miss you and I hope you’ll miss me and someday forgive me for this.  _

_ Love, _

_ Luke  _

Ashton looks up from the writing, tears pouring down his face. He loved him. It wasn’t for nothing. He has to stop him if it isn’t too late. He takes the letter with him and gets into his car speeding to Luke. 

Luke stands in the rain feeling the wind breeze against his wet skin. He looks out over the water, he’s in the very spot he spent his last moment with his parents, where he spread their ashes along with Jack’s. He’s going to join them now, finally be rid of the pain inside of his heart and join his family. He looks over the edge, ready to jump, ready to end his life when he hears an all too familiar voice from behind him. 

“Luke, don’t do it!” he doesn’t have to turn around to know who it is but he still does. He turns around and sees the hazel eyed boy who taught him to love again. He has tears in his eyes, his clothes and hair are drenched from the rain and his hair is blowing in the wind. He looks absolutely beautiful. Ashton walks closer to him. 

“I read your letter. You don’t have to do this, Luke. I still love you. I never stopped loving you and I never will. You don’t deserve to end your life this way. You deserve a future, and whether you believe me or not we deserve each other because we love each other and that’s all that matters.” Luke looks at the ocean one last time, letting tears fall into it before he turns around and cautiously steps away from the edge, running into Ashton’s arms. He throws his arms around him, crying into his shoulder, they're both crying. When they stop crying, Ashton stands on his tippy toes to kiss Luke. Their lips meet and Luke knows this is love. This is what he’s been looking for his whole life. And now that he’s found it, he isn’t ever letting it go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has stuck with me during this entire story, it really means a lot. There will not be a epilogue or sequel since it doesn't go with the story and that way their future is up to your interpretation. I will be gone all next week with no wifi so I will not be posting anything but after that I plan on posting a new story. I have a few in the works, I'll list the plots below and comment which one(s) you would be interested in reading as well as your thoughts on Shameless as a whole. 
> 
> 1\. Never Too Late (Lashton)  
> “Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside us and sometimes, they win.”-Stephen King  
> After Luke’s older brother dies by suicide, Luke spirals into a deep depression landing him in the town’s mental rehab. There he meets the patients who each have their own stories on how the world ruined them. Somehow they come together and get better and maybe even fall in love.  
> 2\. Desperate Measures (Lashton)  
> “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.  
> Ashton works at the local ER in Sydney, Australia. Luke is a frequent patient there. He comes there nearly on a weekly basis, each time with more and more bruises on his body. Ashton soon befriends Luke and learns why he’s always at the ER.   
> 3\. Revenge (Lashton)   
> “When you begin a journey of revenge, start by digging two graves: one for your enemy, and one for yourself.” ― Jodi Picoult  
> Luke Hemmings, Ashton Irwin, Calum Hood, and Michael Clifford end up in detention one day. They’ve never spoken with each other before but in detention they learn they have something in common and come up with plan. Little did they know one of them would actually execute the plan and they would end up in a whole lot of trouble.   
> 4.Long Way Home (Lashton)  
> “Imagine a future moment in your life where all your dreams come true. You know, it's the greatest moment of your life and you get to experience it with one person. Who's standing next to you?” - One Tree Hill  
> 5 Seconds of Summer are going on their first headlining tour, all their dreams are coming true. The boys of 5 seconds of summer were super excited for their first headlining tour. But being stuck together 24 hours a day, seven days a week for four months, tensions are destined the rise.   
> 5\. Forever + Always (Larry)  
> “Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.”   
> ― Mitch Albom  
> Louis interns for the summer at his dad's hospital where he meets stage 4 cancer patient, Harry who has only months to live. Louis makes sure those last few months are Harry's best.


End file.
